Enter My World...
2006-03-05 16:32:04 (UTC)

Secrets *ALWAYS* Have A Way Of Coming Out...


oh dear. i've just landed myself in shit. well, i think
i've dug my way out of it, but who knows. basically, the
other day i went in my mother's cupboard. i was bored.
there was this suspicious white box with loadsa shoes on
top. i took it upon myself to retrieve this box. i opened
it & there was a bag inside. inside the bag were heeps of
letters. i quickly grabbed loads, put the box away & went
into my room. i waited till my mother went out, and i read
them all very slowly. i got bored after awhile. later that
night, i lay in bed reading them. they were off this Jon
whome she met from the net when she split up with my
father. basically, she musta been seeing this john when she
was with lee (she still is with lee, 5 years on), because
things like "i'll be waiting for you", "the other night was
great. the smell of your perfume. the touch of your skin"
were said in the letter. obviously, this made me highly
suspicious. the following day i put these letters back & i
retrieved more. now - this is where the fun starts. i read
the letters off jon. yeah, the same old boring shit was
said. but there were other letters off all these random
guys. the postmark was 2000/2001 for most of 'em, but in
one of the letters i read, the sexual content was, um,
rather high, which obviously meant she met these random
guys from the net & slept with them. why? i dunno. maybe it
took away the pain. maybe it just made her feel better. she
met lee in jan 2001, and from the looks of it, she kept
meeting with these random guys. i haven't had time to fully
think about that yet, but anyway, after i'd read them, i
put them under my bed, thinking she wouldn't ever find out.
well, um, i've just got up & she was sat in the living room
with a somber look on her face. i ask whats wrong, and she
says i'll find out with time. i tell her to whip out
whatevers clearly fucking her off, and she reveals that
whilse she was making my bed (yeah, i still get my bed made
& i'm 19) she found a letter. uh oh. shit. she then sound
she looked around everywhere to see if there were any
others. she looked under the bed and found the stash that i
put under there. fuck. i had to come up with a lie there
and then on the spot. i said that i'd lost something really
personal, i thought it was my brother who had taken it, but
i couldn't ask her to ask him because i couldn't tell her
what it was. i then went in her room and looked in the
cupboard to see if this "thing" was there. whilse i was
looking in the cupboard i found a shoe box, and i just had
to open it because it looked suspicious. the argument went
on & on for around half n hour. she's still fucked off, but
that's the only thing i could think of there on the spot.
now she's suspicious of this thing i'm hiding
from her. there is nothing i'm hiding for. it's
just the only thing i could think of at the time.
she's now locking her bedroom door all the time. even when
she's in. like i care? is she really that dense, that she
thinks that i'm gonna go rooting through all of her stuff
once again? whoa. like i say, i haven't had time to think
about the letters & her finding them, so i'm gonna have to
have some "alone/down" time later today. i mean, we all
have our secrets, i'm fully aware of that, but like she
said...Secrets always find a way of coming out. and i dread
to THINK what'll happen if she ever found out mine.

went out last night with sara, ben and katie. twas OK. just
bog-standard stuff, really. went to hull on Thursday i
think it was. good day. went shopping during the day, and
went to asylum on the night. the night got a bit awkward,
because during the afternoon becky told sara that laura had
done sexual stuff with mark. now, laura is a girl who
prides herself on telling her close friends EVERY last
detail on what she does. nope. she didn't even tell ben.
ben's the one she's closest too. is she THAT embarrassed by
it that she won't even tell HIM? i mean, this guy who she's
done this stuff with isn't exactly the best looking lad in
the world, but if that's the only reason why she doesn't
want anyone knowing - because she's embarrassed by him,
then, fuck, she's more shallow than i thought she was.
anyway, sara got drunk and she was making sly faces &
comments all night, which got to laura. it just made the
night so awkward. me and ben left and went to fuel. lmao.
nobody knew. if anyone finds out, our lives won't be worth
living, because they think that we only come through to go
there and not to see them as it is, and that isn't the case
at all, but we were so fucking bored. fuel was fine. me and
ben made a whole story up to tell them lot, which they
believed, so everything's fine on that front.

whilse we're on the subject of everyone, i've gotta say i'm
sick to the back fucking teeth of just about everyone.
james because...well he's the biggest lying, disgusting
cunt i've literally *ever* met. katie because she's so far
up james' arse, when he's done the most shittest of things
to her. sara because of the whole "doing things to look
cool" phase she's still going through. ben because he's a
using, selfish, tight, hypocritical, arse-licking son of a
bitch. soph because she doesn't have the time of day for me
anymore. laura because she's still up ben's arse *all* the
time, the her/mark thing we found out the other day & just
her in general. someone i talked to on msn called
it "spending way too much time with the people your closest
too", and i kinda see his point, but i kinda don't in a
way. it's literally got to the point where i can't spend an
hour with these people without getting bored out of my
head. *sigh*. i need new friends. i need 'em fast.

i may go for a walk later. i probably won't, but hey. i
need to clear my head.

untill next time, my lil angels :P