nin137

Nick's Journal
2006-03-03 00:45:30 (UTC)

Undercover Cops and Jamie Foxxxxxxxx

yesterday i went to go get myself some beer at a liquor
store. there was this guy in there, about mid-50s kind of
lounging around with a wind-breaker on. he seemed in pretty
fit condition and really just kind of sauntered around the
premise, not really looking at anything, but feigning
interest nonetheless. we both happened to saunter over to
the cooler at the same time. he opened the door before i
got to it and then turned around to me and said,
"what would you like?" in the most sing-song chirpy yet
somehow eerily stiff voice i have ever heard.
"ummm, a heineken?"
with this he pulled it off the shelf and extended his arm
out to me in a manner that reminded me of a robot. the
smile, a very thin one, not showing any teeth was plastered
on his face again.
"here you go" he said with what he must have assumed was the
most non-chalant and disarming manner possible.
nevermind the fact that he's a 50 year old man with a
wind-breaker on when it's about 20 degrees outside, handing
me a heineken for no apparent reason other than happening
upon the cooler at the same time i was.
i then went over to the counter and he sauntered after me,
all the while trying his damndest to peruse every piece of
merchandise along the way. i set the beer down at the
register and the guy rung it up for me. i handed him the
money and was about to go when he all of a sudden exclaimed,
"oh wery sohre ser, but, i mus see id"
i quickly swirled around and caught the guy (who was
obviously an under-cover cop) practically ejaculating all
over the place, he was all red in the face and seemed as
though he was set to take somebody to china town.
i showed him my id and quickly left. fucking stupid.
speaking of fucking stupid.
i know this is a bit past due, but i happend to watch this
"special" on fox (i think it was fox) which featured none
other than Jamie Foxx. now at first i thought he had died,
what with the accolades bestowed upon him during what seemed
to be a ceremony extolling his very being. i was watching
it at the gym which didnk't have the sound on. after a
while i realized that not only was mr. foxxxxx very much
alive, but he was also very much full of himself.
the man had an hour (or was it two) long special about
HIMSELF!!! he had people like stevie wonder singing with
him. he apparently sang his whole life story.
now i understand that this happens from time to time and
that many musicians have televised concerts, but this went
way beyond that.
and what was the deal?
i mean did the network come to him and say,
"jamie, we want to do an hour long special on you. it will
be just about you, and you will be the very subject, sole,
and spirit behind this. we want you to sing, completely
fictionalize yourself (don't hold back on any of your
megalomaniacl delusions of grandeur). we want you to be you."
i can only imagine what his response must have been,
"only an hour? you mean you're only going to give an hour
to the man who played Ray Charles. THE ray charles? nigga,
come back to me when you got something serious on your mind. "
and do you think that anyone's plans were bumped because of
this special?
could you imagine ranking any lower in your life than losing
out to a special about jamie fox?
"hey, we still on for tonight?"
"ehhh, yeah, about that. you see i didn't know this, but
the jamie fox special is on TONIGHT."
"tonight?"
"yeah......so i mean you're welcome to come over and watch,
but you know i might just hang out here....you know...watch
this...you understand right?"
"oh yeah, yeah, sure i understand."
that is when you load your gun and put it to your temple.




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