Nick's Journal
2006-02-23 03:08:09 (UTC)

40 oz to an Interview

how do i even start a non-sequiteur journal entry? well.
i went home this weekend to talk to my 'rents bout the wedding.
this is the conversation i had with my mom as i pulled a
delectable 22 oz of homebrew from the fridge:
mom: 'i bought one of those'
me: 'one of these?'
mom: 'yes, only bigger.'
me: 'bigger?'
mom: 'yes it had a cap on it, so i could save it for later.'
me: 'DID YOU BUY A 40 OZ?????~!!!!!!!!'
now i have to stop here.
do you know my mother?
she is pristine. literally. she wouldn't be caught dead out
in public without makeup on. she knows the latest fashions
and supports them. she is the typical european woman.
always able to look beautiful regardless of the occasion.
she is that woman that makes those 40 yr. old land monsters
at curves cringe with guilt.
she is very simply a beautiful, and dignified woman.
and she bought a forty (40).
mom: 'what's wrong with that?'
me: 'do you know the stigma attached to a 40?'
mom: 'no....i mean the nurse in front of me ordered one'
she still considers, "checking out" as ordering.
my bro: 'did she also buy some duct tape?'
me: '40 challenge son!!!!'
mom: 'i don't know what the fuss is all about. i spent
about six (6) dollars on yuengling but this is a deal!'
complete silence by me and my brother.
i interviewed the third person in my life. and then the
fourth. my resume in terms of interviews has been....
a lawyer hoping to get a job with a prestigious law firm. a
drunk homeless woman; a fucked up libertarian; some creepy dude.
you know how i handled the first two.
the second. i seriously said this:
"you ever read ayn rand?"
'well i hate that bitch!'
(he was 22 by the way).
second person.
this dudes is fucking 39 yrs old and is applying to be a
fucking paralegal.
i will divide it as such.
shit i wanted to ask....shit i asked. let's go!!!
'will you knock me unconscious; then rape and kill me if we
work late together?'
"what is your knowledge of citations?"
'did you seriously go to a paralegal school? are you insane?'
"i see you were a member of an online society, good for you!
could you fill me in on what skills you attained?"
'i'm sorry but i am afraid i might slit your throat one
night shoudl you work here....ahahahaha!!!'
"we'll call you"
how about greg (or is it bryant?) gumble. losing it? you
know that man was one black panther's fist short of losing
it. why do black people lose it if you cite them as not
being black enough?
i suppose it is because MTV has crammed it down our throats
that being black is cool.
gumbel (whatever the first name) lost it on the winter
olympics but he basically went tracy mcbrady??? i think
that's his name. after dave chappelle made fun of him. ouch
a rillos!!!
one last thing. have you heard of these assholes who
actually picket in front of military funerals? essentially
they state that the military deaths are a symbol of god's
wrath upon a nation that harbors homo-sexuality.
i read it and couldn't even believe it.
are these people insane?
can you imagine sitting at your son's funeral? he's 19
years old and just died in iraq.
now there are some people there yelling that
'this is what you get'.
at you.
it's done. it's over.
those people are dead in my book. well look at this
pseudo-libertarian capsizing his boat of righetousness.
but seriously. i am so sorry for those families. you have
MY CONDOLENCES. i hope they even manage to help. but i
could come down there and kick some ass.
i have a black-belt you know ;-).