Middle Child

Listen. Don't Speak.
2006-02-20 03:56:51 (UTC)

hurt...

I avoided guys for 2 years, in fear of getting hurt. Of
course, i am human, therefore I do feel the need to be
wanted and loved by someone who is not my parents. I
feel/notice that when someone falls for me, I want nothing
to do with them and ves versa. Today I was suppose to meet
up with Eric today, but he called me in the afternoon saying
that he had things to do, since it was his day off. That I
understood. arg, I dont know what i don't understand. I just
feel upset or feel that he just doesn't want to see me
anymore? I could be totally wrong though. He did tell me I
was very beautiful and when a girl hears it, its the most
beautiful feeling in the world. Someone who thinks I'm
beautiful. When he apologized I told him that he wasn't
sorry in a jokking manner. He took it as a shock, well more
of a, "how could you think that?" But I laughed it off
saying we'll do something next Sunday. Which is sooooooo far
away!!!! Oh well, I'll keep myself busy somehow. Until then,
I 'gotta pretty myself up', hahaha.

Lately I've been having these feelings of loss/anger/wanting
something you can't have ( i dont know the word for it).
Everytime I go on msn (haha, i know) and I see him online my
heart beats and feel as though nothing well ever happen
between us. I've liked him for 2 years and counting. We met
in high school. Last summer he told me he wanted to be with
me, yet after that conversation we never talked. Arg. this
is stupidness. I'll never be with him, but it's just SO hard
to face the reality of it.

ouch...