Nasethray

Book of Dreams
2006-02-17 00:47:43 (UTC)

why is love so confusing?

diary, i want to cry. i just want to cry. *listens to
zeromancer*. i'm thinking about derek, how he didn't realize
i have changed as a person for the better, how he was so
controlling over me, why? why? why? if he wants to be with
me he needs to change his controlling ways and support me
and realize that there are other people in the world than
him like kathryn and my friends hannah chelsey janine, etc.
he needs to get over me being friends with guys too. he's so
afraid of losing me. but
why doesn't he talk to me? why does he say he loves me and
misses me, yet doesn't attempt to make any effort towards
me. why is his mind working this way? is he doing this for a
reason? why does he try to make me jealous? why doesn't he
call me? why doesn't he email me? why doesn't he TALK to me?
he's online all the time. is he busy talking to other girls
or something? i don't want him to say he loves me if he
doesn't show it in his actions and words. if he misses me he
should talk to me more instead of hiding it away.
i was supportive of his girlfriend, and he's terrified to
even see a picture of mine. lol what the hell? that's kind
of eh.....i don't quite want to say immature, it's just i
can't think of a word. diary i can't tell if i love him or
not. i miss him. i want to be with him in the end. it's
just, what do i do in the time between? what will my future
be? what will my choices end up to be? what do i do?...i
need a love counselor or something *sulk*

derek if you read this, please try to talk to me more. 3

thanks diary, love,

~ ~Lauren~ ~




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