Middle Child

Listen. Don't Speak.
2006-02-13 20:36:35 (UTC)


today is monday, the most beautiful day of the week, because
my brother's are not home and dad's at work. So, it's only
me and my mommy....

The more I think about school, the more worried/scared I
get. I was too late to apply for sept. classes. The only
thing i can do is apply for Jan. classes. That means i'll be
out of school for a year and a half. I was 18 when i
finished high school and 20 when i start school again. I'm
afraid. Afraid that i won't know how to write an essay, how
to stay focus, how to spend my hours just reading....i'm
scared. What if it's all a waste. I make my parents spend
thousands of dollars for my first year at university, and i
fail all my classes. I WILL FEEL LIKE TOTAL SHIT. I really
do what to have an education, have a career, earn my OWN
money, but apart of me in scared to fail. I don't want to
spend my whole life working at toys r us. I hate this. I
hate high school. I hate how SOME teachers don't get a fuck
to even help you out. All I needed what an extra 5% and she
did want to give it to me. Bitch. arg! the anger I have!
I don't know what to do now. Apply for sept, but my chances
of getting in will be low, or apply for jan? *tear* I really
IT!!!!!!! i hate myself sometimes, i wish i wasn't such a
lazy ass who would put things to the last minute or didnt
care study or do homework. I hate myself for that.

The only thing that's making me happy these days is Eric.
He's just....so me. He's so understanding. He knows what i'm
going through. I need someone to understand me, just so i
know i'm not going crazy.

I need to get out of my pjz, and get ready for work. Joy.

ARG! i really fucking hope work isn't fucking stressful!