void deck
2006-02-13 16:05:05 (UTC)

valentine's day post

my previous valentine's day entry ahs been full of angst and
bitterness. mostly because i don't have a person to share
the day with. the day of love just passed without any
difference or whatsoever from other days. and to top the
shit, feeling so much festivities in the air such as roses
selling, couples strolling almost every path i walked, etc
etc. you name it.

this year i promise myself it's going to be different. no, i
have not yet gotten myself a boyfriend. no, i have yet to
find a friend i would like very much to spend the day with.
but this year, it's really going to be different. suddenly
just now i had an epiphany. the reason i have not had a
boyfriend until now(i'm 22, mind you) is because God has
another plan for me. yes, last sunday i went to a christian
church again, on my own accord. after a year long hiatus, i
think i am coming back to God. i realise He is the love of
my life. i remember the first time i read about him is when
i was in primary 2 (about 16 years ago) when my sister
showed me a blue new testament gideon bible. it's a story
about Jesus walking on the water. yes, i have known him for
that long. and after all these years, i still feel a tug in
my heart everytime i heard His name being mentioned. i
believe He is my God. what i have forgotten for the past few
years is that He has a plan for me. He is holding my hand.
Life has really gotten me, battered and bitter. but this
time i'm going to be mature and patient.

if i have yet to have one to love, it does not matter.
because it is all written in God's book. He loves me. He
really does. I can feel in deep within my marrow. i have
been neglecting Him way too long. this valentine's day i'm
going to come back to him.

my creator, my Lord, the one who loves me and holds my hand
through it all.