sarbare

illuminations
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2006-02-10 05:08:39 (UTC)

last nights bowling was fun...

last nights bowling was fun. accompanied by jay, bob, nicole, wyomi, and
dara making a compination of fabulistic fun.

ok so last time i didnt write much about guys, but if i'm going to use this as a
reflectional diary i might as well be honest. i guess at the time i wasnt really
caring much to add it in as anything major. because afteral it is really very
minor. and yea as always talking about it just brings more attention to the
matter, and its not something i have a lot of time or energy to focus on. butt
some events have occured so i might as well lay it out on the table.

there is a guy who i admire but at this time i dont want it to go anywhere. not
that i dont desire certian things but the time isnt right. its this kid ive known
since those elementary days. he's in my church but in a different hme church.
mark has a heart for the Lord that i admire so much, even in the little
amounts that we talk it shines through. he has a similar sence of humor, and
well is just about as big of a dork as me... and not a fake dork, he is really
geek-o material, just like me. heh.

Adam a guy from my homechurch is taking me out to dinner on sat. its kind
of weird. i had a crush on him when i first started to come around to xenos,
but then on the beach trip we took, he sorta hooked up with another girl, and
my heart was slightly crushed, but more so i just stopped thinking about him
in that light. its not a date however, so it should be cool. im not really
interested in being anything more than friends with him. and i think thats the
place i need to be right now in all situations anyway.

i skipped classes today, and didnt write the two papers due in political
science class. and the midterm for photography was today. so im sliding on
thin ice, and its not good. i really need to get on the ball with school. but i
find it so hard to be partaking in extra activities that dont really benifit me in
any way. i know its a crappy attitude to have, and deff not a Godly one. but i
tend to point to my ohter areas of success, and say ' but lookie how well im
doing in this area' when really its all God anyway, and not even my own
doing.

well talking to the roomie right now so thats all ive got

//edit//

in other aspects i had work today, i love it there sometimes. but at other
times its just blah

ive been feeling pretty blah overall lately. i think im gunna make an agenda
for tom. i'm not good with agendas, but i could definitely use some structure
to stick to. and push myself towards.

feels like ie reached a level of complacency. and i'm just not driven. but at the
same time i keep driving. so idk. maybe i just havent been analizing things
lately.. which on the one hand is good, but also leaves me feeliing like im just
functioning and thats it.


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