I drink Alone
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2006-02-01 03:52:35 (UTC)

Jan 31

Hayden is such a good baby, he hardly ever cries.
If he does he usually quits when I come pick him up or
take him back from whatever family member is holding him.
He knows his Mommy.
I'm not as thrilled as I thought I'd be, well I was sort
of afraid I wouldn't be that thrilled to start with. I
mean I love Hayden and I couldn't imagine life without him
now but it makes me feel old in a way.

Another thing is now that I'm not pregnant anymore some of
the old feelings I had before are coming back.
It's like something under my skin, an addiction. I just
want to get out and have fun. I know I can't now but it's
getting harder and harder.

I'm going to start nursing school. I think I've finally
found something I can do. I have this real need to
actually go do something career wise. Simple jobs here and
there just aren't cutting it anymore.

These nights (when I'm not up feeding or rocking baby)
dreams are filled with old nights. I miss some of the
people in my life, some more than others.
People I can't ever get back without jeopardizing all I
have now.