well aint THAT a kick in the balls...
sup killers. merry fuckin unbirthday again.
-TIME FOR STUPID COMPLAINTS AND UPDATES! YA!-
_ URHM...I dunno...shit's been happening i guess. I'm
finally doing the 'Responsible' lifestyle of doing extra
hours and days for more money so i can pay my own rent and
car insurance. I'm heading to San Fransico today for the
first time. I havnt' been further east of the Little
Ceasars down the street. Naomi's saying how cool it is,
but this officer i worked with says it's crazy with
Transvestites, Transexuals, Transelvania, TransContinental
Rail Road. Pretty much any kind of Trans- you can come up
with along with the occasional dope head and gang member.
Guess i'll see for myself.
I'm so fucking hungry. I been on a diet for like 2 weeks i
think and it sucks like a vietnamese prostitute. What's
worse is we got like NO FOOD in the house. hold up...
=looks in fridge=
5 Budlights, 3 Jars of strawberry
jam, some kind of meat, and baby carrot sticks. :| yumm.
i was gona say something else but i'll get into that later
but yea, back to diet. it sucks. i walk everyday which i
dont like doing...man...
I been fat so long i dont' see how i could ever by
thinner. Seriously like my WHOLE LIFE that i can remember
i've always had this soft cushion of a body with jelly
rolls here or there. I got stretch marks on my back now. i
just saw them the other day... -_-
I dunno why i still go on with the diet. I seriously
cannot picture myself with all this fucking fat gone. I'm
always lying to myself that someday it'll be gone and i'll
be fit, but i dont think its possible for me.
i dont wanna be sexy looking or ripped. Hell with all it
gone i'd still think i'm as horrific as i am now...yea i
said horrific. That's my fucking L O W self-esteeem
talking since i aint had none of the High since i was
probably 7 i guess. gah...fucker. i hate feeling like
this, but it's the only feeling i know of. That's why i
hate it when my mom asks me if i'm happy. Shits good at
times, but there's always that fuckin idea of myself
saying 'no. your not happy. now shut up you fat monster.'
I dont think i'm worthy of feeling happy. That's how bad i
got myself thinking of me. Fucked up aint it. I dunno
where it comes from, but theres this fuckin tick on my
back of my neck sucking out all my self worth.
I'm tearing up and my throats closing and i dont want Na
to see me this way so i'm just gona go before she comes
back out. I'll bitch for y'all some other time. Peace out
Ninja Family. MCL.