slave jess

Journal of Joels slave
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2006-01-24 14:39:36 (UTC)

sub diary 23-01-06


i was the one who made my diary private as i was angry with
Master. it was wrong of me to take my anger out on Him. i
felt that Master had brushed me aside for a football game.
things in my life havent been simple. i was needing to talk
or chat with Master. i was having problems also with my
email account i use to send mail to Master at work and He
uses to send to me from work.

i did manage to chat with Master later in the day. i have
filled Him in on what is going on basically in my life and
the reasons i have made some of the decisions i have made

i know at times i make things more difficult for myself
with the actions i take. i do frustrate Master. i do
frustrate myself too. i can see and hear the things i say&
do but i just cant stop myself doing them. i hate myself. i
really do. i have said some cutting things to Master. i
look back at my diary & see the easier life bck then. was
it all the honeymoon period of our relationship? were we
looking at things through rose coloured glasses? have we
finally began to look at things more realistically?

so many questions and not many answers right now. Master
says i am depressed and i now realise i am depressed too. i
didnt want to admit that so i guess that is one positive
step towards healing is to admit to the problem.

i love You Master
slave jess {MJ}