The meanderings of a mind
2006-01-19 00:14:49 (UTC)

how do you keep from swallowing

I'm sick. Everyone keeps telling me that I'm letting
stress get to me and my immune system won't work. Oh
good. I had to break down and go to the doctor. I didn't
want to waste the money on the copay just to hear that I
was sick. I really need to save every penny I can. But
alas, I awoke this morning from one of my many catnaps
(because I couldn't fall into the deep sleep tylenol pm
usually provides) blind. I couldn't see. I accidentally
splashed pain in my eye a couple of days ago, so at first I
thought that I was having a reaction. I made it to the
bathroom to see that my eye was practically swollen shut
and there was all kinds of crap around it. Gross I know.
I could barely talk but I called my mom and she told me to
make an appointment right away because I would only get
worse. So I went. Apparently I have all kinds of things
wrong. It wasn't the paint. The doc. called in
conjunctivitis, which I learned in phys. ed is pink eye. I
had pink eye in preschool. I remember the teacher sitting
on me to put drops in my eyes and staying with my grandma's
brother when they wouldn't let me stay in preschool. I
don't have anyone to help me with my eye drops or to make
me a grilled cheese.
I have several prescriptions...more money...and no body
wanted me at work because I'm contagious. I didn't want to
leave because I am supposed to be there but my eye was
killing me and I couldn't catch my breath from coughing.
Still I feel guilty. I don't owe them anything, but I
guess I need them. I don't want anyone to be angry or
blame me for leaving.
I miss being in school. I didn't always have someone there
to help me, but there was someone close. I should get over
the whole wanting someone there or someone to worry because
I'm sick and not just worry that they will catch it. Sleep
is the best because you can forget everything and not feel
so much pain from the body's weakness, but I can't find the
peace of sleep. It seemed that everytime I laid down I
would swallow convulsively and that hurts the worse and if
I wasn't doing that I was coughing uncontrollably. Blah,
if only I could sleep until this whole thing was over.