Kalamity K

The Daily Chaos of Kalamity K
2006-01-18 22:23:12 (UTC)

Stood Up Again

I was ever so hopeful that my bf and I were going to go to
the symphony tonight, together, and enjoy a performance by
a world-class, up-and-coming soprano from my hometown
(Isabel Bayrakdarian, whom I LOVE) but he's backed-out at
the last minute. I really didn't think he would. I really
thought we would be going together tonight. And I was
really happy. And really excited because I've been waiting
to see this performance for months. And, on top of it all,
I was really fucking proud of him for deciding it meant
enough to him because it meant enough to me that he was
going to make the effort to come all the way downtown
during the week to come and do something that I love with
me. Don't get me wrong, he does like the symphony, too,
and sometimes he loves going more than I do or likes the
performances better than I do, and he sometimes thinks our
symphony is better than I give it credit for, so it's not a
case of me forcing him to do something he doesn't enjoy or
can't enjoy. I might be more into it, but he likes going,

But he isn't coming tonight. I'm past throwing fits
about. I'm past being openly disappointed about it. But I
am disappointed to myself. I don't really know how to
handle this situation because if I keep it in and act like
I don't care, he'll think everything is fine. He already
feels "bad" and is "mad" that he can't come, or his
versions of these things, anyway, insomuch as and as deeply
as he ever feels them.

I don't know why I had faith tonight would be different. I
just don't know.

Hang on. I'm on the phone, still, making travel
reservations, and now we have run into a fucking problem.
Goddamn it. More later. Shit.


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