Life is a journey...
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2006-01-15 20:57:41 (UTC)

a new year...

So, I started this ages ago...but I kept deleting what I
wrote. I guess, I didn't know what I wanted to say. Sounds
So this year is more of a new start than ever for
me. Just after Christmas, I broke up with my boyfriend of
3 years...well, would have been 3 years on 25th February.
I feel good now. Like I'm fresh and ready for me.
Just me time...and other guys time!
I broke up with him because I felt I wanted to
spend time with myself and focus just on what I want. I've
not been able to do that in a long time.
Also, I haven’t been seeing him much because we’ve
gone to different colleges (a breath of fresh air to tell
the truth!).
Another reason is that 3 years is a freaking long
time! If I’m being honest, I’d say that I got too serious
too young. Way too young, we got together when we were 14.
What did I think would happen, that we’d live together
forever happily and just get married?!?! PLEASE! Never
being with anyone else??? Never sleeping with anyone else?
I once thought that sex didn’t matter and that I wouldn’t
want to be with anyone else… but come on, it’s just not
like that!
So, those are just some reasons… anyway, now I’m
single, I’m feeling strangely rebellious!! Was even
thinking of getting a tattoo!!! Crazy I know, maybe I
should just get something pierced instead… I kind of like
the idea of getting a fancy, swirly ‘F’ on my wrist, or my
hip (but that seems a bit unoriginal).

Anyway… now I’m single, I’ve got very into the idea of
other guys… Oh Yessssss!!!!
I actually kind of like someone… and I’m really
not looking for a relationship. Ohhh noooo!!!! Not at all,
come on, I’ve been in one practically all my life. No,
what I’m looking for are relations! The kind of relations
I want are with this guy I like, and it’s already kind of
started. When I say kind of, I mean we actually nearly had
sex. But it’s too soon for all that. I mean, I’ve known
him for ages and we’re good friends, but it just felt too
soon. Plus, there’s nothing wrong with keeping them
waiting now is there girls?! It just makes them want it
more… I hope!

Any guys got advice on this, much appreciated!

So what I like about this guy… well… he’s quite a bit
bigger than me, as in he’s properly built like a man, not
what I’ve had in the past. The ex was nice, but not as
manly, if you get me. And other ex, played rugby, which is
always a bonus, but he still wasn’t quite the extent of
this guy.
Anyway, he was all picking me up and throwing me
down, just generally throwing me around. But in a nice,
caring way. I liked A LOT! It made me feel like I was
fragile (girls you’ll know what I’m talking about) and
small, which overall makes you feel great about yourself.
Plus, he can drive, and has a car… also makes you
feel special like he’s looking after you when he offers to
pick you up, take you home and so on… not only that, but
let me assure you… getting off in the back seat always a
bonus… it’s so hot! Anyone else know what I mean?!
Deffo think I’ve got my sex drive back, was
starting to think it had died! When in truth, I was
subconsciously ready to be single but just didn’t realise
I think part of the reason why we didn’t have sex
is that I’m a bit worried that he’ll just sleep with me
and then nothing else will happen, and I really don’t want
that because I not only like him, but I love him as a
friend, and I don’t want that to end. I really don’t want
him to just forget about everything just because we’ve
finally had sex.
I know I don’t want a relationship, but I want it
to be special, for him too. I want him to feel like it
means something more than just sex. Hopefully it already
does mean more to him. We’ll see though I guess…


Me x

p.s. Hopefully, I’ll be driving pretty soon, I just need a