The First Tear

TEars: Good and Bad
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2006-01-06 01:50:42 (UTC)

Hmmmm.....I don't know how I feel.

Dear Diary

I'm so pissed off at Tricia right now. Stupid bitch! She's
going around telling everyone that Cody and I had sex and
that's none of her fucking damn business! She needs to go to
hell! Then she has the nerve to lie to me...the whore! I
hate her! Why does hse have to be like that? Why does
everyone's business have to be her main fucking concern?!
BITCH! I could just scream! SCREAM!!!! Then the bitch leaves
me a comment on myspace about my hair. FUCKING CUNT! Yeah so
I'm a little pissed off. Can you tell? Good! I want you to
be able to tell.

To top all of that off...my dad is a fucking bastard! Aiden
is getting on my last nerve and I don't know how much more
Ic an take of home and drama. I wanted to cut so bad last
night but thank God for Cody calling. I chose not to cause I
told him I was gonna try to stop. I just don't konw if I
can. I did ok last night but tonight may be a different
story. I'll try not to...we'll see. It's just that Dad keeps
yelling and Aiden is winey bitch! I don't know how long Ican
stay here. I just can't wait to get back to Cody.

On a better note...Cody and I are doing wonderful I think.
We had a long LONG convo last night and we covered a lot of
things. He said osme things that concerned me but it was
nothing major. They needed to be said and I'm glad that he
feels like he can tell me. The only that conerns me is this
Carmen girl. From what I've heard she seems nice and I trust
Cody but he said it got so bad the last week of me not beign
there that he started talking to her again and felt as if he
didn't have a girlfriend. I dunno. I guess it shoudn't
bother me but it does. I trust him so...truly I don't have
anything to worry about...right? But yeah so we're doing
well. He accidently slipped up and said he loved me then
tried to play it off. lol. It was cute. I've been thinking
about saying it again but I don't know if now is the best
time...I'll wait till I get back to school that way I can
see his face and make sure i didn't screw up. I actually
thinkk I do love him..maybe. I think. The question still
remains do I really know what love is? I think I do. I hope
I do. I care for him so much. When I down there this
weekend...I felt...safe, loved, cared for, special, HAPPY,
whole. Does that sound weird? I hope not. I don't want to
creep him out either. I don't want to scare him away or make
him think that I'm moving to fast. Oh well. I guess I
shouldn't be so worried. I shouold just go with the flow.
Yup yup that's what I'll do.

Well, I"m gonna go. I'm talking to Becky on the phone. I'll
write back when I can.

Love ya lots
Ashley


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