Go Veg

The Road to Vegetaria
2006-01-04 23:15:32 (UTC)

I love Maggie

Wednesday January 4 2006
6:01pm EST

Date: 1/4/2006
From: Maggie
To: Me
Subject: Happy New Year!

hi my dear!

i hope this email finds you well in 2006! i can't believe
it's already 2006 -- this means i have one more semester of
school, and i'll be a lawyer (hopefully!) by year's end.
i'll definitely have a j.d, but being a real, certified
lawyer requires passing the bar. but i can't believe it's
already that time..... wow, does time fly!

so, how were your holidays? did you get to go to your
parents' house since hanukkah isn't one of the main jewish
celebrations and since you spent thanksgiving w/ jon's
family? how's your family, if so? what did you guys do for
new year's eve?

i'll ramble a bit about mine: i went home to illinois on
december 21, on a red eye. i arrived in chicago on december
22, and my parents picked me up and took me to my aunt's
million dollar condo in the city, where i slept for a couple
hours. (okay: this condo is ABSURD! city condos are just
super expensive: it was beautiful, but not worth a million!
then again, if you love living in the city, i guess it's
worth it?) but anyway, i then spent the day w/ my youngest
sister and parents in chicago; we went to department stores
to look at christmas decorations and went to the nutcracker.
then, my mom and i went on a walk in the late afternoon,
only neither of us brought cell phones or wallets. it was
going to just be a quick jaunt in a park--quick because it
was too cold, and my california self couldn't deal with it.
anyway, we got back to the condo to learn the elevators
were broken, and there weren't any stairs to go up.... so,
we were stuck w/o a way to tell my dad or sister where we
were, and we had no money to even go to a coffee shop. so
we sat... and sat... and sat.... finally, the doorpeoples
managed to get the utility stairs open, and my mom and i
hiked up 21 flights of stairs.... then, for dinner, we went
to an INCREDIBLE vegetarian restaurant. if you and jon ever
go to visit jon's brother, i'll give you the name. it was
great (but quite pricey--hence, the aunt taking us out was
nice!). anyway, we then went back to the airport and picked
up my other sister around midnight.... then, back home and
to sleep around 2am. the 23rd, we baked NON-STOP. i think
we must have made over 14 dozen cookies. it was insane.
there's so much preparation that goes into holidays, it's
really quite ridiculous. it's amazing how much of a
production it is.... christmas celebrations themselves were
really weird this year. since my grandpa died in march, we
completely rearranged how we do all traditions, so there was
nothing "normal" at all. i'm not always all about following
tradition, because i think it's easy to get stuck in some
kind of rut and things just get boring, and then even when
you want change, no one is willing to change because of the
traditional way of doing things. however, with all of this
change --and none of it really planned all that well--it was
just kind of weird.... but seeing my grandmother who's been
in a nursing home since my grandpa died was incredible sad.
she's no longer really mentally "with it." she accussed my
sisters and i of putting her in the nursing home, and when
my mom said that grandpa dying was the cause, my grandma
would hear none of it. she insisted we did it --nothing
like making us feel good. but she's also lost so much
weight and just seems miserable. she kept forgetting it was
christmas, despite many cousins, aunts, and uncles trickling
in during the day, and every time she opened a gift, she
wanted to know why everyone kept giving her stuff....

but the rest of the trip home was fairly good. i hadn't
seen my family in FOREVER, so it was nice to all be
together. but, it's strange too because everyone is now so
independent that it's hard for us to all deal w/ each other.
especially when it comes to cooking.... (oh, i'm now vegan
and have been--w/o cheating--for 4 months. i switched
almost right after your wedding party.) but, my sisters
kept making ahuge deal about me being vegan in front of
relatives and saying how i'm hyporcrical because i still eat
honey (the one thing i didn't give up, only because it's in
chai, and i need my caffeine. and since i don't drink coffee
and like getting calcium via soy milk, chai it is!) and wear
leather shoes. but, i already owned leather shoes, so it's
dumb to just throw them out. that's not sustainable and
wasteful! and, i did buy a new pair this year, but it was
because i've been being treated for some foot problems, and
the doctor said i needed shoes of specific brands (because
they're good for your feet) and that weren't sandals or
clogs. then, leather ended up being my only option. but,
it kinda bugged me my sisters wouldn't just let me be!

anyway, i read a lot at home -- i think i read 5 books! and
then, i flew back here on december 30, arriving about 10pm.
my boyfriend (mike) picked me up, and then we ate pizza
here and went to sleep. he had "great plans" to take me on
a vacation on the 31st through yesterday.... but it didn't
go so well. there'd been flash floods the whole time i was
at my parents' house, and as we started the journey,
everything was flooded. roads would just disappear....
trees were up to their leaves in water. i suggested we
check out the weather to where we were going before actually
going, but he insisted rain was normal and we'd be fine.
after we encountered 5 closed highways and changed
destinations several times (due to flooding and
mudslides--one small town has about $10million in property
damages, and the town is all of about 3 blocks long), we
ended up back in san francisco after an 11 hour drive. so,
he ended up just staying in my apartment all weekend. since
it was pouring rain, we didn't really go out or do anything
exciting -- just watched movies, ordered in food, and read a
lot. (i read a 750-page book in three days! that's insane!)

so.... this boyfriend. as i told you, we do have an
expiration date, which is when i move from san francisco. i
don't like the idea, and i was having a really hard time
with it. i'm not sure if i still am. i feel like after i
got out of the totally blissful first month or two of the
relatsionship, i've come to accept that he refuses to do
long distance and won't move. and i won't stay. it's
really hard trying to keep myself from getting attached. i
can't tell if i am or not. i really like him, and he's a
great person. but, i don't know how i feel about the fact
our relationship will end, at the latest, in july.

i think i'm actually going to end it in april, since i'd
rather give myself a month or so to decide how i feel about
it until i have to devote my life to studying for the bar.
the bar is hard enough as it is, and it's definitely not
recommended to deal with any emotional/relationship issues
on top of it. so, either he will have to commit to trying
long distance so we can see how that goes, but i know that
the break up isn't immediately imminent while studying, or i
have to deal with it earlier than the studying.... it's not
ideal, and i've never been a realtionship person. but at
the same time, we really liked each other, and he talked me
into the fact that not doing it just because it's not ideal
would actually end in us both missing something that could
be really good than just having a harder time later. i
can't say if that's true or not, but i've been really glad
to have him around..... but, as for him, himself. i can't
remember what i told you about him. so, briefly, he's from
maine, went to school in boston (for mechanical
engineering). he decided he didn't really care for
engineering, but instead loved environmentalism and
sustainability. so, while in college, he spent all of his
free time reading up about the environmental movement and
the science involved, and he now works at a small nonprofit
in marin county (which is on the other side of the golden
gate bridge). he's 25.... we've been dating since october
-- so this, i think, now constitutes my longest real
relationship ever. and, we can discuss politics endlessly.
i love it! he spends all of his free time reading
independent news media and really interesting books, and
then teaches me about them. i, in turn, teach him a lot
about law and try to make him more of a feminist. (he has a
couple view points w/ which i completely disagree and have
been the source of many fights. but, i think he's slowly
starting to get my point and be more open to how society is
constructed and the fact that stereotypes go one way doesn't
mean they should or have to.) he's not a vegetarian, but he
does eat vegan around me usually. he was vegan this entire
3.5 day weekend; and since when we go out to eat, it's
usually to vegetarian, vegan, or raw restaurants, he's
veggie then too. and he's not into music that much--that i
find very strange.

oh, the other reason why mike is great to have around is i
feel like i've lost touch w/ most of the law school friends.
i know i told you how our friendships were progressively
fading away. i think a lot of it is just differentp
riorities right now, but i rarely hang out with any of them,
and when i do, i feel like i'm being interrogated as to why
i don't just take a corporate job and make tons of money.
and i think the fact i'm planning to move has put many of
the friends off. i'm not sure exactly why. mike has
something to do w/ it just because when i have the option of
going out to bars (which i hate doing since i don't drink)
or getting a decent night sleep so i can go hiking the
following day, i'd much rather do the hiking. and none of
the law school folks were ever into that. then, i still
love seeing my old roommates, but one of their best friends
(who happens to be an ex-boyfriend of mine) moved to the
city in september, so they hang out w/ him a lot, and i'm
just not comfortable in his company.....

what else is new: i won't be taking classes this semester.
instead, i'm interning in the district attorney's office. i
don't really want to be a district attorney, and after the
death penalty stuff gained media attention when the
govenator refused to pardon tookie williams, i have to say,
i've felt rather sick to my stomach about the fact i'm going
to a prosecutor's office. but, on the other hand, it won't
be class. right? i don't know what my schedule will be
like or know how much work i'll have, so it will be
interesting to fall back into a schedule....

and, i have a friend visiting sf thursday through tuesday
(why i decided not to come to ny this break, since he's one
of the people i would have seen there). so, i'm psyched
about that....

but, the other main stuff will be searching for a job and
searching for a job. that will be my new job. as of.... i
don't know. it was supposed to start today. instead,
though, my internet was down till now--i haven't had it
since i got back from my parents' house, and i wanted to
email you first. perhaps i'll get on it tonight. we'll
see.......

let me know how the holidays were, if anything happened w/
the position you'ove been waiting for for a year, and
anything else new.

much love,
mags

Date: 1/4/2006
From: Me
To: Maggie
Subject: RE: Happy New Year!

Hi sweetness!

Happy New Year! What a crazy year 2005 was for me, I'm glad
it's over! :) Planning a wedding/reception is a ton of work!

I'm so excited for you to almost be done with law school.
But since you're interning this semester, does that mean
you're done with finals and papers and stuff? I know it
doesn't fit with your interests/personality to have to
intern at a prosecuter's office, but just think of the
interesting perspective it will give you.

So, the holidays for us were good. For Thanksgiving, I had
the bright idea back in September to hold Thanksgiving at
our house this year! Yeah, it sounded like a good idea back
then, but it really was so much work, I wouldn't want to do
it again. We had Jon's parents and brothers over, plus Jon's
mom's 2nd cousin and her family, who just moved to the area
from Israel. They had 3 small kids. Our place was packed!

Jon's family doesn't do anything for Hannukah, so thankfully
we get to hang out with my family every year for Christmas.
We went up to Albany on Christmas eve, since my extended
family always has a gathering. My parents, sister, and I all
stayed at a hotel, which was kinda weird but ok. Since my
parents moved to Buffalo, we don't have a home base in
Albany and none of my siblings have the room to host us
all... but we stayed in a Residence Inn that had full
kitchens and fire places in all the rooms and stuff, so it
was ok. We did Christmas in my parent's room, which was
plenty big, then we went out for Japanese. YUM. All in all,
it was a nice, quiet Christmas without too much fuss. Just
the way I like it.

Your Christmas sounds kinda hectic. Good thing you didn't
get sick or anything with all that traveling and stuff. It
sucks that your family feels the need to judge your
veganism. I hate that crap. Veganism isn't about being
perfect, it's about doing the best you can. Screw them if
they don't get that. Blah. And good for you for going vegan!

Jon is actually going to Chicago this weekend to visit his
brother Jeffrey. You remember Jeff, don't you? God, he
followed you around enough at our reception! He finally put
together the video for our reception that he took, and every
time I see you in the video, I see Jeff, too! I was like
"man, it's like he was stalking her!" Heehee. So, Jeff's
feeling needy for Jon and their other brother Daniel, so
he's flying them both out for the weekend so they can just
hang out. Next time we both head out there together, you'll
have to tell me the name of that veg restaurant. There are
NO veg restaurants in all of Westchester county and I can't
stand it. I have to go into Manhattan if I want good
vegetarian food that I don't make myself.

That's really sad about your grandma!! Poor grandma and poor
you guys! Both of my grandparents died before they got that
bad, but it would've really upset me to see either of them
that disoriented. :(

Oy, your boyfriend doesn't sound like a very good planner
regarding your little vacation. I saw all the news reports
about flooding and stuff and was thinking about you,
actually. Oh, totally random, but I saw a movie over the
weekend called The Parrots of Telegraph Hill and thought of
you. It was shot in San Fran and was about some naturalized
parrots that this dude took care of. I didn't like the way
he treated them, but that's another story :)

Anyhoo, that is an interesting situation you and the
boyfriend are in. I've never had a relationship where I knew
it would end at some point. I don't think I'd be able to do
it, honestly... just cause I'm a wuss. But he's right -- why
give up on something that could be really great just because
you know it will end?? Hm. A tough situation for sure. But
it sounds like you guys really complement each other well.
And I firmly believe that every person in your life is there
for a particular reason... and not all people will stick
around, and that's ok, because they teach you what you need
to know and then move on. So maybe this relationship is here
to teach you something or change you in some way? Something
to think about for sure! As if you don't have enough to
think about.

Girl, you are a reading fiend! I used to read like that when
I was younger. Nowadays my brain has turned to rot and I
just read magazines and stuff like that. But I read every
day. I enjoy books when I take the time to read them, but
I'm super picky and get afraid of wasting my time on a book
I won't really like. Bad excuse, I know, but still.

It sucks that your law school friends feel the need to
interrogate you about not following the beaten path to
lawyer-hood. I really don't see the big deal about you
wanting to do what you want to do (but maybe that's because
I really know you!), but why can't they just worry about
their own lives? Maybe they question you because deep down,
they're insecure about their own career choices, and they're
upset that you're following your true path instead of doing
what everyone else expects of you. I bet when you move and
start doing whatever you'll be doing, you'll meet more
like-minded people.

I've actually been using the PBs as a way to make friends. I
figure that it's made up of mostly women around my age who
are into the same kind of music I'm into... and therefore,
most of them share my values... and so far it's been great.
I mean, I don't have many who live nearby me, but I've made
some great virtual friends. There's one girl who just moved
down to the area from Burlington with her boyfriend, and
we've hung out a few times and she's awesome, but now she's
probably going back to Burlington and I'm sad :( It's so
quiet where we live, and I end up just hanging out with
Jon's friends all the time. A few of them have cool
girlfriends and wives, so that's nice, but I definitely need
more friends of my own who live locally.

Well, I had a big disappointment last week on the job front.
I didn't get that job I've been waiting for over a year on.
I had two interviews, both of which went really well. I knew
that there was a chance I wouldn't get it, because there was
a girl who was currently working in the department the job
was in who applied for it. My boss told me that she might
get it because she's a real hot head and the department
wouldn't want to deal with her if she didn't get it. But I
didn't think it would really happen that way... Anyhow, I
got the bad news last week. Before my 2nd interview I got
another offer from another department to do basically the
same kind of work checking documents for problems, but with
a $2K a year raise. I really like my department and hope
that my boss can work out a way so I can stay and continue
to do the part of my job I really like, while getting rid of
my caseload and working for this other department, making
more money. We'll see. She still has to talk to her boss.
Worse case scenario, I stay right where I am with no
changes. It's just that I've had a caseload for three and a
half years and I'm sick of it!! I'm totally ready to be done
with that. So, I hope my boss can work something out, for my
own sanity.

Oh, and here's some interesting news. Jon and I are thinking
about trying to get pregnant this year. Crazy, huh? I just
figure I'm almost 31, I don't have much time left, so we'd
better get a move on. I think we might start trying this
summer. I'm still thinking everything over... it's a huge
decision and I'm kinda scared about being a mother, but at
the same time I know I want to do it. I just have to push
through the fear and do it!

Hope you have fun with your friend from NYC! I'd love to
come out and visit sometime... especially with the weather
we're having now. Yuck, I hate winter. We had a storm
yesterday and my office was closed due to the snow. I'd love
to get away and have you show me around SF sometime, but I
doubt I'll get out there before you move. Well, DC is closer
anyhow, I'll have to visit you when you're a 10 hour car
ride (or short plane ride) away :)

Hm.. what else is going on in my life?? Not much, I guess. I
miss you! I hope you're staying healthy and sane.

Much love and hugs, babe!




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