slave jess

Journal of Joels slave
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2006-01-03 22:37:39 (UTC)

sub diary 03-01-06


i actually chatted with Master today. it was His public
holiday for New Years. i love Master so much. He is my
strength. He is my life. He gives so much to me. i hate
what i am facing but He gives me support. i do feel a
little that Master is happy that Wwe wont have to face the
problem of an unwanted pregnancy. but i must be honest. i
felt that any pregnancy for Oour union would not have been
unwanted. i always had thought Oour coupling would have
been in the hands of God and if by chance God had a special
little angel that needed Oour unconditional love then He
would send them to Uus. now in His wisdom He has chosen to
take that unexpected option from Uus. maybe God didnt
think Wwe would be the right kind of people to be parents
of one of His special gifts. this in turn leaves me
wondering if i am following the right kind of lifestyle. am
i a demented kind of person who does not deserve the gift
of a child. am i a sicko as many had told me when they send
feed back to this diary? am i a child of the devil? am i
wicked and deserve to burn in hell for all enternity? i
just dont know anymore.
i do know that i love my Master and if this is Gods will
then i shall learn to live with it. if i am a bad person
then i shall try to be good. i do know that what man is
about to do to me will give no hope of me ever being a
mother. so be it.

i love You Master
slave jess {MJ}