Nick's Journal
2006-01-03 02:24:34 (UTC)

Flags for Flagrant Fouls

i'm watching the wvu vs. georgia game and the refs have
thrown about 3,000 flags in about 1 and a half minutes. i
think it would be sweet if a ref followed me around my
everyday life and threw flags when fouls happened.
for example.
i'm about to grab the handle on the stairs of my morning
commuter train and about to swing my leg up, when some fat
bitch waddles up and pushes in ahead of me.
flag on the traiin station:
"fat bitch interfering with a smooth walk up to a computer
train." - pull fat bitch onto her fat ass and proceed to
trample her as you make your way up.
then i'm finally at the metro station and i'm about to go
through the turnstil when some dumbshit ahead of me forgets
to put money on his metro card and therefore holds up the
entire line.
flag on the metro station:
"monkey mongrel who can't count causes 15 person backup at
only working turnstil." cock pummel the guy and bitch slap
the nearest metro station employee for only having one
turnstil open during the morning commute.
then i'm finally on the fucking metro and the doors about to
close when some nut-clown tries to make the train as the
doors close and promptly gets sandwhiched in between them.
flag on the metro:
"person who must have downs syndrome caught in punishing
metro doors." - pull unconscious body from doors, if wedged
too securely you may use a spatula, no need to punish
dumbass guy as he is probably close to death.
wow three flags and i'm not even at work!
let's try other places.
like when i'm driving along the road going to the grocery
store and there are two turn lanes. i'm in the left hand
lane and there's this soccer mom in the right hand lane. we
both proceed to turn and she completely goes into my lane
practically running me off the road.
flag on the road:
"overweight soccer mom probably pissed that she had 4 kids,
because now she has to spend every waking hour taking a
seemingly endless stream of screaming shit stains to their
infinite practices has come into a lane which impedes
forward progress, and possibly causing a collision" - don't
do anything, she's probably so hyped up on caffeine and her
kids ritalin that she will probably run you off the road and
bludgeon you with her stainless steel starbucks coffee-mate
if you so much as honk.......just let it go.
and of course, my favorite one.
i finally have a fucking day off and time to do some much
needed errands, but lo and behold, neither the post office
or the bank are open!!! awesome!
flag on capitalism:
"for some inexplicable reasons essential institutions have
the most incovenient hours on earth." - burn down any and
all institutions and rebuild them with the mandate that they
must be open from 6 pm to 11 pm. and open on all major
holidays. also, they must be open from 11 to 2 pm and must
have ALL TELLERS/LANES/REGISTERS OPEN!!!! in compensation
they may have off at all other times and we will no longer
rob them and their employees will no longer shoot up the
entire employment staff.
i'm tellin' ya. we need these refs out on the field of real