blkdragon

grounded
2006-01-01 16:29:48 (UTC)

Reality and a Mind's Eye

12/31/05---6:50 pm I picked Toya and Jr up at the airport,
the flight was on time and I didn’t have time to sit and
read before they appeared. I took them to Diana’s, Toya
left Jr with his Father, then I took her to her friend’s
and dropped her off; she said I’d see her Monday morning.
I then called my Nephew, Ralston answered the phone, I
didn’t tell him that his Father called me; didn’t ask what
he’d been doing lately. I started off the conversation by
telling Ralston what I’d done and how it affected me, I
then asked what he was getting high on, he opened up to me
immediately; even though we hadn’t spoken in over two
years. We had a great conversation, I think I was able to
show him a light in the dark, we’ll see whether or not he
stays true to his word; I didn’t get any indication that he
wouldn’t be honorable. I asked if his Mother was home, she
got on the phone and I sensed a defensive stance, she
didn’t want to hear about anything she may’ve been doing
wrong; I didn’t take that tact with her. I told her where
we’d come from, what I’d done growing up, the fact that our
Parents couldn’t tell me anything; the fact that our home
was full of secrets and forced silences. I told her that
her Son’s were merely manifesting their anger, she needed
to allow them to get it out, they needed to discuss the
last two years honestly; especially her. They didn’t need
to agree with one another, but they had to have enough
respect to listen, I finished talking with my Sister and
asked her to put my Nephew back on the phone; I told her
that I loved her and began talking to Ralston again.
I told Ralston that he was too important to me, that he
needed to become important to himself, we discussed options
and alternatives; outlets for negative emotions and self-
respect. I was surprised that he was so open to listening
to what I had to say, I certainly listened to him, I told
him that everyone contemplates suicide at least once in
their lives; told him that people that commit suicide
aren’t trying to hurt themselves, they’re trying to hurt
the people that they believe have ignored and hurt them. I
told him that I’d be much more active in his life, I asked
him about his car, he’s having battery problems and my
Sister doesn’t trust him enough to help him. I told him to
call one of his friends, ask for a jump, for him to pick
his Brother up from work and if he was going out tonight;
to take better care of himself than he’s been. He thanked
me, told me he appreciated me touching him, I told him that
he’s Family and that’s what we do; this was the first time
Ralston ever said he loved me and meant it. I’d eventually
told him that his Father called me last night, told him
that I have nothing against his Father, I still like Donny;
whatever problems he had with my Sister are their problems
and I’m not involved with their war with each other. I told
him that I loved him, told him to tell Dane that I’d be
talking to him tomorrow, he told me that he’d do what I
asked and we said goodnight. To be honest, whatever Donny
believes Donna did is probably what happened. My Sister
told me that she’d talk to me tomorrow, she wanted to know
what Donny said to me, she won’t get that from me; it’s
none of her business. I didn’t break her confidence when we
talked during the time she’d decided to divorce Donny, my
only concern was for my Nephews and my Sister’s safety. I
won’t give her ammunition to use against Donny, she’s angry
with him and hasn’t gotten over it yet, they can’t put
their differences aside for the good of their Sons. I tried
to put all Kathy and my differences to the side for our
Son’s, she wasn’t having it because she’s still angry with
me, I just stay out of her way and she doesn’t bug me.
Toya called, while I was talking to my Sister, she decided
not to risk going to the City; she’ll go clubbin here and
she needed a ride. I said I’d pick her up, just after 9 and
take her to “Sneaky Pete’s”. She’s got a key to my
apartment, she’ll need to come in the back door, I’ll set
up the futon for her; I’ll need to go to the store for
eggs. We’ll have French Toast and bacon for breakfast,
don’t know what she plans to do for the day, I’ll be at the
rink and no one will be driving my car besides me.
I’ve thought about “Cheetah”, one way or another, all day;
looking forward to seeing her tomorrow and I plan to tell
her all about it. If I don’t see her smiling face in my
mind, I see her body in motion, both please me to no end. I
can’t rely on not seeing a ring on her finger, I’ll ask if
she’s married, not taking any chances here. I’ve come to
the conclusion that she’s definitely a breath of fresh air.
10:23 pm Just finished taking Toya and Kayla to the club,
she left her purse in my car, she wants me to come pick
them up at the end of the night, I was not in the mood to
do that. First I had to wait 20 minutes for them, they
should have been ready, women and their faces. My gas light
was on, she offered me gas money, it’s really so I can come
get them when the club closes. She called me Poppydo, must
be short for Pop do this or do that, I won’t see her again
for months and there won’t be a time when she can’t depend
on me; guess that’s what Father’s do for their girls. I
told her she better let the phone ring, I should go there
in my robe. That’s my girl though, if she calls I’ll get
her, love is never getting enough rest. That’s alright,
I’ll be totally unavailable tomorrow, everyone’s on their
own.
When Toya wanted to go out, Diana wouldn’t watch the kids,
Shawn wanted to go out tonight; Diana’s watching their Son.
That’s how fucked up they are, she wanted the girls to call
her Grandma, she just wouldn’t act like one; she would only
be Grandma to her Grandson.
1/1/06Didn’t get a good night’s rest, Toya didn’t call and
didn’t come to the apartment, I slept in my clothes all
night. New Year’s Eve was Shawn and Toya’s anniversary,
something tells me she may have finished her night with
him, if so; she’s made a grave mistake. I stayed up until
2am, woke again at 4&6am, she left her purse in my car, I
am not going to want to be disturbed today.
Finishing my viewing of “The End of Evangelion”, a
surrealistic/philosophical extrapolation of life and the
meaning thereof, the visual styling is stunning in it’s
metamorphosis; touching on so many mental and emotional
chords. The creator has incorporated
religion/philosophy/psychology/technology and composed an
emotional conundrum to ponder: the meaning of life and
where are we headed, how the past affects our future and
what is the right thing to do? I’ll be watching this over
and over.




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