Traveler

31st of December , 2005

1st DAY:
It is New Year Eve today. It is one of the most busiest
time of the day. I suppose most people would have some
sort of event to attend in celebrate for the new year of
2006 to come. I in contrast would like to have a quite
new year this year. It is not only because I do not look
forward for the new year to come, it is because I just
wanna to have for once a quiet new year.

Why's that? " I ask myself" Instead of going to go in deep
and try expalaining the reason of why in a philosophical
way. I tend to give myself an answer of " I am getting old
and don't like to celebrate everything".

I am thanksful for what I have so far. But what's enough?
In the past year of 2005, apart from acheivied a master
degree which I had planned to acheive... relationship
wise, I think it has been a very rocking year.

Sometimes I do think it is my own problem. And sometimes I
think I think I stil have not met the Mr. Right yet.

What is LOVE anyway? Sometimes I do feel like LOVE could
be selfish which each of us (the man and the woman) is
just look for each of their own interest. If LOVE has
became selfish , could we still called that TRUE love.

I have been struggling with this relationship for this
past 10 months. I do love this guy. But there is just so
much of each other we could handle. I have tried to break
up before, but have gotten back together nearly right
after we broke up.

I feel so insecure about this relationship and am afraid
that one of us ( in particular him) would walk out from
the relationship in any time as he has done that in the
past b4. WHAT DO I WANT? How much compromises I should
give out to make a relationship work?

I am tired... very tired. I have no energy to deal with
the situation anymore. To justify my point of view, to
justify my personalities and to justify my love for this
relationship.

I was so angry this morning when he was kinda shouting at
me say " JUST GO" . I was upset and said to him " Pls.
remembering what you say to me now and please do not call
me again" Has the situation gotten this worse? Today is
New Year eve, perhaps I could have handled the situation
better.

He always tell me that relationship is a " TWO WAY
STREET" . I guess if we could not make it to work, which
means it is not going to work.

I am hurt, I am confused and I am sad. It is a HOT and
SUNNY Day out. Let's all enjoy the end of year day and
look forward for the new year to come.

ME