Lost13

Lost...In Life...In Love...In This World
2005-12-26 06:12:09 (UTC)

Driving The Knife Deeper

I am weak...I am pathetic and small...And I do not deserve
to be loved so compleatly by him...I do nothing to deserve
it...

The things I hide have such big consequences,Chris...I
look back over all thats happend...And feel nothing...
Just a hollow echo of what should have been there...
When you hug me,I barly feel it...When we kissed,only a
small glimmer...All I have felt since April is
numbness...Its dulled my emotions and burned the ends of
my resoning...All I have now are my morals...

I dont know if giving them up would bring back feeling to
my heart...So I hold on...So tightly...But Im
slipping...And I still feel nothing at all...Im
losing,Chris...Im losing all I ever cared
about...Everything and everyone is
leaving...And,eventualy,you will too...I know it...Deep
within...Im dieing,Chris...Im dieing in this hell...

I know I'll end up taking my own life...I've already began
to cut my wrists...Arms,legs...Anypart of me that will
bleed...I want no help...I want to let go of the fear I've
been harboring...I want to forget about the consequences
and be with you,Chris...So badly...

But I know that in the end,I'll be forced to chose...You
or my family...But ether way,I'll lose both...Im only
hurting myself more...

I am a coward...Patheticly insignifacent...

Little bits of emotion flood to me...Once and a
while...But they are only there to tease me...To show me
what I've lost...

I want to feel again...

~*Chelsea*~





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