breaking away
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2005-12-11 23:16:45 (UTC)

spechless... having to say good-bye....

I am down to my final week at school.. the week I have been
dreading for the past 2 years.. and now it is finally
here..this is the week where I say good-bye... not forever
of course but to the people that love me the most and the
people I love the most probably feel like I am abandoning
them.. when all I have been wanting to do is stay here...
but that is one thing I cannot do... I am off to NY again
this thursday with my family and spend a few days there..
when I come back "home" for the last time.. my best-friends
are going to come over.. and well I guess talk about
everything.. like we normally did.. have a few laughs and
tears by the end of the night.. and On December 22 @ 7:45 in
the morning I am leaving my "home" the place I have been
living in for the past 7 1/2 years... the place that I love
so much.. and leaving the people I love so dearly... no one
would understand how I feel right now.. waking up knowing
that in just a few days u will be waking up in a whole
different place... not in the place u were 3 weeks before...
I dont know what to do anymore honestly.. I need my friends
to be there for me.. on those days when I feel like I dont
belong.. I know hat God is doing this not out of the bad
way.. but of the good but why cant I see it like that.. this
is a plan or the path that he wants me to go on.. the path I
am so dead araid to travel.. I know there is so many things
wating for me.. but I dont want to know them.. I want to
stay here.. I cant accpet leaving the peopl I love so
much...I pray everynight for the stregnth..I sometimes have
it but loose it at the sight of something I will truely
miss.. like him.. and them.. and her.. and all who has made
such an impact on my life... no one will understand.. not
evenmy mothere can relate to how I feel.. eventhough she has
moved more than me in her life.. but then agan she was never
in my situation when she left..leaving someone.. u know
something would have happend between him.. if only she didnt
have to move.. thats what I am in right now.. the only thing
that I can do right now is pretrend and be strong with my
friends and tell them that everything will be ok.. when I
know it wont be.. its just time for me to.... say...