Codesmith

Life, Or Something Like It
2005-12-10 18:02:48 (UTC)

Uncontained Feelings

It's 1210, Saturday. 1241pm. No change in weather.

So the group meeting was rather quick. I was given new code,
told what the problem was, and she left. We're suppose to
meet again at 3pm. But, I'm debating whether or not to go.

I probably should, for the heck of it.

I've been having a terrible habit lately. I've been writing
entries, but deleting them. I've done it about three times
so far. Three times in the whole existence of journaling.
Well, maybe four times. Two of them were in the past week.

I don't know why. I just ... don't think they're worth
keeping around.

I said I would talk about killing for money again, and as
much as I'd rather not, I guess ... I will. It's not
something, I'd do. It was just a thought. One of those,
"what if's" we always have. Like, what if I were a prince or
a princess. Or, what if I were filthy rich. Or, if I found
out I was going to die tomorrow. Well, instead, what if I
took the easy way out, and killed for money?

Well, I don't know. I never really thought about it much. I
guess I'd be filthy rich. I also imagine that in order for
me to do that, I'd have to be a much, much different person
than I am now. So different, that I didn't even remember I
had this journal.

And, to forget that I've been jotting down my life for the
past four years in this journal, is a pretty hard thing to
forget.

That's about it, really.

... I didn't sleep well last night. I couldn't quite fall
asleep for some reason. Maybe, it had to do with the fact I
had three or so hours of sleep before that, and my body
didn't want to fall asleep again. That always seems to
happen. It was ... restless. I kept waking up in the middle
of the night, and then trying to fall back asleep.

I had the weirdest dream. I dreamt of a cell phone, and I
was dreaming of calling Katie. It probably had to do with
the fact that I missed being able to talk to Katie last night.

We tried to talk, but I wasn't able to talk with her. I was
a bit indisposed, and afterwards when I tried to call Katie
... her phone was turned off. Which, I figured was because
she had to sleep and take her exam in the morning.

I only hope she wasn't upset with me for the short call. I
mean, I know she waited up for me, and we barely had a
minute of talk time.

What's worse is that we probably won't get the chance to
talk again till Monday. That sucks.

Oh well. I hope she writes later. I'll end this for now,
since there isn't much point to me being here at the moment.




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