The Should call it a 'Dell Inspiron: Oh fuck I'm Fired'
lately i've been looking at laptops for law school. i can't
really tell what the fuck i want and i've just been dabbling
about and talking to some co-workers about it. well my
boss's nephew has some business that he's starting and he's
always at our office puttering around on his fabulous 3,000
dollar dell laptop. i swear to go he can direct the fucking
hubble telescope with that shit and have it tickle his nuts
at the same time.
so there he was puttering around on his laptop in the
conference/lunch room. now it's really annoying when he's
there cos he's kind of socially inept and all he can really
do is stutter some ineffable comments as we shuffle around
him trying desperately not to trip on his goddamned power
supply ac adapter cord. that idiot has it strung up like a
fucking mine-field in there. you have to nimbly dodge the
trip-wire of an ac adapter cord so as not to send his laptop
into 'hit the ground mode'.
well all of us there are quite adept at not tripping over
his shit so we nimbly pounced around it. then our human
resource guy came in. now this guy is a fucking idiot. he
has huge buck-teeth and he has 'people skills'; i believe i
mentioned this in a former journal entry, but if anyone ever
tells you you've been hired cos of your people skills, it's
cos you're a dumbshit. so there he is shaking his cock
around, massaging his people skills all around the room.
well he was so into it that he didn't notice the trip-wire.
the studios entrepeneur had just left the room to
intraveneously obtain his sustenance for the month, leaving
his prize possession precariously poised on the corner of
the wooden table. well idiot resource manager was making
some stupid joke when he just straight up racked himself on
the adaptor power cord.
he flew forward and made that ridiculous, "urgh" noise. but
man. that Dell laptop made a sound no dell laptop was ever
manufactured to make. it made the sound of a crunching,
crashing, catastrophe. the dude came back from wherever the
hell he went to and he looked like he just had his nuts
popped into his chest.
the noise was akin to "ewwwwwwwewwwwwewwwwwwww" a wailing,
effeminate gasp. he ran to it like a mother runs to her
child who had been hit by a car. the man actually let out
what might as well have been a muffled scream.
the human resource guy (an aside here: you know if you have
people skills, this is where you work your magic) was
"oh man, oh gosh....i didn't know that laptops connected to
the outlet, i thought they ran off batteries."
verbatim that is what he said. poor man. last words, they
are never as beautifully poetic as they are in the movies.
my boss came in..........and laughed.
the man laughed and laughed and laughed.
i swear to god i thought i was going to have to tell him
that i thought bush was doing a great job to get him back
down to earth.
long story short. human resources guy didn't get fired, but
the nephew is gone forever.