Violet

Allegations And The Things Left Behind.
2005-12-06 07:01:32 (UTC)

Looking like the classiest shopping cart lady you'll ever throw things at.


Is it wrong that i'm enjoying myself? I'm still learning that ever so important lesson.. so i see no harm in having a little fun while i'm at it. It's my belief that it will make this whole process a lot smoother.

Made my way out to Carri's over the weekend, odd for me to actually miss her..but i do. She had put back a few of Harmony's new pictures for me and was more than excited to give them to me as soon as i got through the door. Between her and the kids climbing all over my ass i didn't even get the chance to check the pictures out. When i did finally get the chance though.. I was actually a little horrified by what i saw. I shit you not.. it looks like she's laying in a coffin. Nothing like the image of a 3 month old baby laying in coffin to help a girl sleep at night. And it's not just me damn it, everyone else who's seen the pictures has the same reaction. Love them, i really do.. but i'm not putting that picture up.. I need not be any more disturbed, lol.

Hung out at Dave's most of last night. Finally got the chance to really chat with his old lady. She's a really nice girl.. with just enough spunk to be able to handle his punk ass. Still blows my mind to think that he's married though.

Sunday morning i popped up off of Carri's couch to one of the most frightening images of my life. Lee sitting at Carri's computer... wearing some bright pink teddy.. looking at his shemale porn. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Kind of wanted to do a little of both. I'm into some weird shit.. but i'll be dammned if i'm going to walk around advertising it, lol. I couldn't imagine being a 47 year old man and just flying my freak flag like that.. lol. That image is forever burnt into my mind.

Hurried my ass down to Dave's house this morning for some form of caffine in a cup.. didn't care as long as it was hot. Christie was more than happy to have another female around for the weird breakfast conversations that apparently take place in this house. Of all the weird ass people i've met and of all the weird shit i've heard spoken... none of it touched these conversations. I am truly a little less stable for having heard what i heard, lol.

Jason stopped by after work and told Christie and Dave that he'd take me off their hands for a little while. Love how he phrases things... just well enough to make me laugh and feel like an ass all at once, lol. It was cool though, He took me out to dinner and then asked if i wanted to crash at his place for the night. Being that i'm a pampered bitch who didn't want to sleep in an abandoned house again.. I was quick to take him up on his offer.

So here i sit. He's passed out on the couch.. being as he refused to let me take the couch. I tried to argue that the couch was the perfect place for me since my sleeping schedule is fucked up.. but it made no difference. His mind was made up. He has handed me but one responsibility and that is to wake his happy ass up at 5am.. he says since it's my fault he was up half the night.. it's the least i can do. Told me to make myself at home and to not worry about waking up and taking off. Aww.. yay.. i've made a new friend i think, lol.

Seriously though, people have been really cool. They've gone out of their way to help me out over the past few dayas and i appreciate the hell out of it. Christie is even going to try to help me get on where she's at but it'll have to wait until after the new year. Which is more than fine with me.

Swung out past the house Friday night to grab some more of my weather friendly stuff and was stupid enought to answer the phone when it rang. It's the middle of the night.. you don't let those calls go unanswered, damn it. Anyhow.. It was Alex.. fun fun. Not 5 minutes into the conversation and he's all over my ass for my behavior as of late. I know i'm known for my excuses.. but that's just it.. i'm not making any excuses this time. I'm fucking up and i'm owning up to it. I get stupid when i try to bury things in my head.

But bury I must. I know it's ignorant to be this way but who am i suppose to talk to about it. I don't want those blank stares, like i got last time. Those who knew just shrugged it off. Maybe that's just the way to handle it. I know I can't let myself be wounded by what happened but at the same time.. i don't feel like i felt last time. It didn't fuck with me this much last time. Life's a bitch sometimes.. things get fucked up. But to sit here, feeling the way i feel.. and pretending like nothing happened is just hard this time.

Maybe it's a sign of weakness, i don't know.

All i know is i'm angry now, i'm unsure of my safety now.. and i don't like it one bit.

Why can't i just let it go... Oy!

Piss, time is creeping by. I'm taking a nap.




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