Life - so complicated
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2005-12-01 23:44:45 (UTC)

How many more times??

How many more times am I going to find myself going out
with someone, and falling in love with someone else???
lol. Turns out thats going out with a guy just coz he's
the only one available is a wrong decision. I learnt the
hard way.. as usual. But I don't care. It's been a month
since I updated this diary and although it may be a little
sad and immature to have a diary I really don't care.
Mark was a wanker, we all knew that from the start. I
rang Phil and got closure finally. I'll always love him to
bits but not in the same way. I spoke to Charley the other
night online and it's pathetic how we talk to each other.
It's like we're strangers and it pisses me off - maybe I'm
the one who's being immature but at least I actually
attempt a civilised conversation. I fucking hate her and I
know I shouldn't because, after all, she was there when I
needed someone in the summer. Life is so fucking confusing.
Being at the AGM at Gillerthwaite alone this year was
weird. I've never gone on my own before but it was fun and
probably the best one I've had there. It's strange how I
don't miss everyone going anymore. I think I've finally
learnt to accept changes, it's taken a good 5 or 6 years
but I think I've managed it.
The most important news now is my recent relationship.
Nearly 5 weeks :-D and if someone told me last year that
this is how my life would be I'd have never believed them.
I'm going out with Haydock, the guy who loved hugs as much
as me lol. I never thought I'd find someone again who I
could trust. But I have and, after everything, I think
Debs is right when she says I deserve to be happy. No one
could ever imagine what I've been through these past 3
years and it'll affect me for the rest of my life, but
Haydock knows and he still loves me anyway. To me that's
all that matters. I don't miss my old life anymore, I
don't drink my sorrows away, I'm writing again, there are
no more overly dramatic suicidal thoughts and I am
genuinely happy.

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