blkdragon

grounded
2005-11-30 03:45:25 (UTC)

The shoe drops

Had a very good day, happy as hell and randy beyond
belief. Went to find Lisa, wanted her body on me, she
obliged as always. Her dog’s pregnant, perhaps I can find a
place that will allow me to get one of the puppies. Patty
loves dogs as well, spent the day thinking of what to do to
alleviate the current situation between us, believe I’ve
found the solution; we’ll see if it’s successful.
When I got to work yesterday, I saw Lisa lifting her
sweatshirt to check her breasts, I walked over and asked if
she were checking the “ladies” to see if they were
standing; she grabbed me and started laughing. Today she
wore a bra, black under a yellow tank, she’s not considered
pretty; but she’s the sexiest thing on site. I love
watching her walk away from me and towards me, squatting,
bending over and that bra looked good on her. I went to say
good morning to her, called her sexy, she grabbed me and
put the “ladies” on me; she does that regularly and I won’t
tell her to stop. We enjoy the flirtation, I won’t lead her
to believe that there’ll be anything other than that, but I
am leaving my options open. She’s a very nice lady, I’ve
always liked her and feel an affinity to her. She has her
moments when the medication she takes wears off, she’s
exceptionally emotional and she’ll take a bone and gnaw it
beyond recognition, otherwise she’s a very beautiful human
being.
I called Shawn at lunch, just wanted to tell him that I
love him, still don’t want to talk to him though; we
chatted drivel and I ended the call. He thanked me for
calling, he wanted to talk, but he didn’t want to hear what
I’d have to say; I’m not happy with him in the least. If
his Mother ever hears from me again, she can consider
herself lucky, she’s a bitter woman; she takes it out on
everyone. She told the kids not to call me “Grandpa”, it
wasn’t my idea, it was Kaia’s decision and Diana’s not
their Maternal Grandmother; but I won’t piss in the pool.
We all have a Family we’re born into, then we extend that
Family with people that we pull close to us and with people
that pull us close to them.
Re-recording a cassette, getting something to eat,
showering and shaving; then I’m off to the rink. I’ll be at
the rink by opening, waiting for Patty. There’s been a hold
on $91 of my account for two weeks, Joshua’s overdrawn and
hasn’t paid his loans, the CU credited my account and the
teller suggested taking him off my account. She asked if I
co-signed his loan, I’ll remain on his account to make any
necessary transactions, but I’ll take him off mine to avoid
this snafu in the future; he won’t need to access my
account.
9:33 pm Just got back from the rink, Patty was late getting
there, apologized for falling asleep; I asked her why she’d
come if she was so tired? She told me that she was back on
the meds for Psoriasis, apparently it's flaring vehemently,
I'm sure it's a by-product of her emotional state. Seems
she came to tell me that Kelly is her boyfriend, as if I
didn’t know that already, she told me that early dinners
would be inappropriate; until I got to know Kelly. I told
her that I don’t want to get to know him, mentioned the
fact that she replaced Mark with a duplicate, being that
Kelly is so much like Mark they could be brothers; she
agreed. I mentioned Kelly calling me Charlie, when I was
introduced to him as Charles, she said that she didn’t like
it when people did that to her either. I told her that he
and I are not familiar enough for him to have done that,
she agreed. She mentioned playing this scene out, as though
she knows there’s no hope for her to get what she truly
wants out of a relationship with Kelly. There was so much
we both wanted to say, I told her that the rink is the
wrong place for the kind of talk we want and need to have,
she agreed, but it will be some time before she’s
intellectually/emotionally and spiritually fulfilled.
Tonight felt like we were saying goodbye, for now, it left
me dazed and winded; like I’d had the air knocked out of
me. I understand her fear, she was afraid I didn’t want
her, I’d left her with that impression; she knows better
now. She came to tell me she was leaving, after she put on
her shoes, she stopped to tell me that we’d talk soon; I
told her that I didn’t think so. She stammered, I put my
hand on her shoulder and told her to work it out, she
repeated after me, “yeah, I’ll work it out”! I’m sure she’s
feeling as dazed and confused as I, but she made her
choice, mine just came too late. I know we’re both feeling
a sense of loss, our friendship is special and hopefully it
will withstand even this, at the moment I’ve got to put
some space between us. She needs to realize that what she
has in me is a rarity, I realize that about her. I hope
she’s noticed that when she’s with me she doesn’t need
alcohol. I sent her an e-mail, as soon as I got home,
she'll get it when she goes to work; it tells her
everything she needs to know. She understands windows of
opportunity.I’ve got to make sure I don’t use Lisa because
of this. Dum spiro spero-as long as I breathe, I hope!
I feel better now, let's eat!




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