blkdragon

grounded
2005-11-22 05:23:57 (UTC)

Still, very little rest

At one point, Louisa called me and I couldn’t understand a
word she was saying. Most times she’s talking about how she
doesn’t want to be in the hospital, the things her Family
is doing to her. She used to speak of the ideal, loving
Family relationship, not anymore; even her niece is in her
shit. What Louisa used to tell me about her Family was how
she wanted her Family to be, not how it is! I stayed with
her last night, for a couple of hours.
I got up this morning at(11/20/05) 6, got the truck, talked
to Lavon for a minute; he was at the plant working. I
headed to Wilton, Patty called while I was on route, I had
to stop and wait; she’d be late getting there. I got to
Mark’s house, he decided to leave, stopped to say hi; we
talked for a moment and he took off. Patty arrived, wanted
to know what Mark and I talked about, she’s hiding
something; I’ll be finding out what it is as the day
progresses. It took 4 hours to fill the truck and her car,
she wasn’t prepared to move, wasn’t a big deal; excepting
the fact that it was just she and I. Her Brother didn’t
help, she also had help waiting at her new apartment, that
would be an eye-opening revelation. We headed to Malta, her
help was waiting outside, Kelly; I’d find that she’d gone
to Alabama with him. That in and of itself is no sweat, the
only difference between this guy and her last boyfriend is
the gene pool he swam out of. My problem lies with her
seeming attempt to manipulate me, still working out the
equation in my head. Kelly was her back-up plan and it
seems he’s one of her ex’s acquaintances, she wants to
explain everything to me, I don’t think I want to hear it.
I was anxious to unload the truck and get back home, Kelly
spent more time talking to a partner on the phone, than he
did unloading. I didn’t sweat that either, technically, I
was just here to help Patty; I said I would. Kelly’s friend
arrived and was no more help than he, Patty noticed, she
tried to keep things light with me; I just wanted to get
out of there. She finally told me that she’d gone to
Alabama, didn’t say with Kelly, he marked his territory by
dropping that info on me. Guess what, they all know of me,
I’m still learning about them; in my eyes, that makes them
the substitutes for what she believes she couldn’t have and
that would be me. Last Wednesday she called and asked to
stay with me, Thursday she’s heading out of town with
Kelly, believe when I say that I’m glad she didn’t make it
here. She recognized that things have changed between us
when I got to her new place, she’s still my friend, I still
love her; she’s abused a trust. Why wasn’t Kelly at the
house in Wilton assisting, he was the reason she didn’t
want me to talk to Mark about the cell phone she’d called
me from, she asked me not to mention it; as though I’d
bring it up in a conversation. I believe Kelly is one of
Mark’s friends, that’s why she didn’t want me to mention
the cell phone she used to call me, Mark probably knows the
number, why would I come out of the blue and mention it
anyway. I was just there to help her move.
She’s only comfortable dealing with men of limited
intelligence, she remains in control. Kelly asked me if I
got high, you know the answer, Patty was trying to tell me
that he and his friend were going outside to smoke; I
didn’t give two shits about that. I was sitting and talking
with her when I really wanted to be driving down the road,
she invited me to dine with them, I declined; said I had a
tub of hot water waiting for me. She knew I’d seen through
her deception, I thought our friendship was tighter than
that, her weakness/fear has constructed a wall that I’m not
in the mood to climb. Kelly asked me something about Patty
talking to me at the rink, I told him that I’m generally
concentrating on what I’m doing, he was of the impression
that I may be one of the reasons she goes there. I’m not
jealous of the guy, there’s no reason to be, he doesn’t
know that he’s a comforter; something to throw over the bed
on cold nights. Patty intimated that she’s realized her
mistake, yet again, says she’s committed to playing it out;
I shook my head. I thought she was stronger and smarter
than that, guess not, I won’t be readily available for the
talk she wants to have; when I’m in the mood she’ll know.
Tuesday night certainly won’t be her time, I’ll get to the
rink on time, she probably won’t show up; thinking I’ll
want an explanation! She thinks she owes me an explanation
because she has feelings of guilt, I’m not stressing it,
I’m not a child; she’s made her choice and now she has to
live with it. I’m not the second string and she wasn’t my
first choice, just the best choice it seemed, I’ve been
wrong many times in my life; eventually I’ll get it right!
She was right opening my eyes to the fact that we really
are compatible, in a sense, she really can’t handle the
Truth though (most people can’t); her loss!
11/21/05 Not much work today, wasn’t planning on answering
the phone either.
When I returned from moving Patty, Louisa called me, she
was signing herself out of the hospital; I told her I was
on my way there and to wait for me. Peter (her ex co-
worker) called me, she’d called him as well, we would meet
at the hospital and figure out what to do. Louisa was as
combative as ever, she refuses treatment, this causes the
near death experience; her chemical levels aren’t regulated
and that becomes life threatening. She doesn’t seem to
understand the equation, if you do A, B will occur. I had
been moving furniture all day and wasn’t in the mood to be
verbally abused, not when I was bending over backwards to
help, I understand the feelings her Family were
experiencing. She wanted me to bring her to her apartment,
I said that she may as well ask me to shoot her in the
head, she asked me to do that and I said I wouldn’t help
her hurt herself. She doesn’t have the key, the lock has
been changed, there’s no phone and no heat! Her selfishness
got to me, I began cursing, she went ghetto on me; didn’t
bother me in the least. I asked her why she was pushing all
the people that love and try to help her away, she didn’t
answer. At one point she said I had no reason to be at the
hospital, I asked her if she wanted me to leave, she said
yes and I stepped outside. So I refused to help her leave
the hospital, so did Peter, she found us talking to the
Social Worker and asked for cab fare; we wouldn’t give it
to her. Her Family wouldn’t send any money for her to go
back to Queens.
We left the hospital, looking out for her as we went, I had
to go to the store before going home; she called me there.
She’d asked me a few questions, I kept my responses short
and civil. When I got home, she called and asked if I still
had the keys to her apartment, I said yes and she asked me
to bring them to her. I told her that this was the first
time I’d been home all day and would like to sit for a
minute, she wanted to start lecturing me, never considering
the difficulty I was in; I didn’t want to hear it and told
her that I’d bring the keys. I returned to the hospital,
found her sprawled on a bench in the lobby, engaged my
emergency blinkers and took the keys to her; I told her I’d
see her later, turned and went back to my car. I told
myself that I wouldn’t answer another phone call. Louisa’s
Sister called to tell me that her Nephew was on his way to
Albany, said he had enough money to get here, I told her
that he wouldn’t be welcome in my home and that there was
nothing he could do for his Mother. She echoed my
sentiments, just wanted to give me a heads up. Lenny called
me at 12:30am, asked when I’d seen his Mother last, I told
him when and where; then hung up the phone. I wash my hands
of the entire affair, it’s harder for Peter’s wife to see
what Louisa has degenerated to, she now looks like a bag
lady; she even sounds like one. I’m trying to help and the
only thing you want to give me is grief, “hasta la bye bye”!
I got a call this morning from Patty, 8:45am, asking if I
saw her mail at her old place; she left her new phone
number and asked me to get back to her. I didn’t! She
didn’t care about any mail, her conscience was bothering
her, she wanted to talk to me because she was by herself
and she expected me to return her call immediately. Not
today! She’ll be inviting me to stop by, that won’t happen
either, I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone today; I
would try hard to be stress free.
I got a call from Toya, she wanted me to bring her to get a
rental, told her I’d come for her after work. She
unburdened herself during the drive, she felt better when
she got the car and took the kids to the airport to watch
take-offs. She’s been saving her money, the kids will be
going to their Grandparents house, so she can handle her
business; hopefully she’s serious now? It remains to be
seen!
Don’t think Patty will be at the rink tomorrow night, of
course she’ll want to surprise me and she may even call to
set up an early dinner at the diner; I won’t be doing that
though. I’m planning to let her know (should she come) that
I’d like to skate without thinking about the recent events
in my life, we’ll have to talk another time. She’s involved
with experimentation daily, I’m not a lab rat!
Charles called, while I talked to DeVon, I didn’t answer
the phone; when I did, he told me that he’d been trying to
call all day. He had nothing to say, yet he called me, I’m
bordering on exhaustion; spiritually drained! Had a greatly
animated discussion with DeVon, he brought me up to speed,
we talked about his Brother and Toya; we had a great time.




Ad: