listen to my silences
2005-11-20 20:14:04 (UTC)

what i lost, you bastard

i went to you with my problems.
you, my so-called friend.
vulnerable, afraid, trusting.
i was wrong, again.
i thought what you were saying
was making sense.
i never thought you'd use me.
i was wrong, again.

see you took everything i said to you
and twisted it around.
to mean what you hoped it would
and so dragged me down.
put the same variables in the same equation.
you get the same answer with no variation.

take my thoughts and enforce them
instead of reassurance.
hope he just kept screwing up
use it for insurance.
blindly i followed and trusting i walked,
so right into my core you talked.
it might have been different if you'd been honest.
he and i could have worked on it.

now i'm lost with nothing left,
i let you convince me i had nothing to lose.
yeah it was my decision,
with undue influence from you.
you fucking bastard i hope you rot in hell.
a lot of pain would do you well.

you deserve what you get.
i don't fucking care
if someone shoots you in the head.
respond, i dare.
i can't believe i trusted you,
i should have known better.
i should have seen you were there,
but only during stormy weather.

i realize now what that means:
you couldn't stand to see good things,
you never wanted what was good for me,
just to drive me to you and away from me.
well you succeeded and lost everything.
you don't know it yet but you'll soon see.

i didn't lose a friend
you were worthless.
i didn't lose strength
you were weak.
i didn't lose safety
you were the danger.
i didn't lose you
you were nothing.

i lost faith
you kept me faithless.
i lost hope
you wanted me hopeless.
i lost trust from him
becase i trusted you.
i lost everything
when you used me.

final thought: you went from best to worst.