DayDream Believer
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2005-11-19 23:43:46 (UTC)

To good to be true?

I`ve tryed to settle down lately. S* has a girlfriend, and
all emotions and stuff is just in my head. Fantasys I do
over and over agen in my heand until I belive them myself.
I was working last Sunday and watched the movie the father
of the bride on tv while cleaning rooms, ive seen it manny
times before, years ago.
There was this song there, I didnt know before now it was
there. That S* gave me among three others on my 17th
birthday years ago. And I rememberd it at once I heard the
song, the song was about me, or used to be about me. I was
the one thay where singing about, that girl used to be me.
It came so hard over me, my eyes where filled with tears
and I started crying, not over the movie, but the song and
the fact that for a moment that was me. And I blow it. A
guest came by and asked for something, it was verry
embarresing and I pretended I has a cold.
I have been trying to setlle down with the fact in our
story, not the fantasys in my head.
Ive been wanting to go out agen, clubbing, but not to look
for him. In fact to avoid that club in particular.

Kelly have been having some trubles (and turned out not to
be pregnant) and have been calling me day and night.
Karoline have some problems to, my mom is a bit worrid and
Im the comfort and listen girl.
Thursday night I woke up in the middle of the night form my
phone ringing. I thought it was my mom, who I had been
talking to that evning. But it was a hidden number, mom
dont have that. There is only one person who calls me with
a hidden number, and he had not been calling me for years.
It was him. I was sleepy, and it was to good to be true, I
had to ask who it was, but he only mombled, irritated, and
I asked over and over agen and it repeated itself. It was
him. I can not imagine a better suprise, a greater joy or
gift to me.
We talked, he seemed a little bit agrassive and irritated.
But he called me. He wanted to know where I was. I told
him, in xx, at Tommys. He wanted to know if we had separate
bedrooms, I said yeas.He asked if it was lonly, I said no.
He wonderd where I lived? I told him, at Tommys and a bit
at my moms. And asked him? But he didnt wanted to answer.
He was in town, on his way home from a job thing. Thay had
been at one of the clubs I knew he used to go to, and have
been looking for him outside long time ago. He was on his
way home.
I asked him about work and travling. Where he`d been and he
told me. He just came home from my fathers country, or my
home country as he called it today. That was why he called,
or thought or me. I asked if she was with him on travles,
and he said no. The night I meet them I was wondering if
she was when I was alone agen. And the Saturday the song
was playd I though she probobly have the entire Georg
Jensen collection. (that sell Georg Jensen designs, jewlery
and gifts at air plains and airports) But in the phone call
it hit me that she probobly not.

He said his phone was out of power and wanted to knoew if
there was anything I wanted to say to him? (I come back to
this later)
I said no, not as I can come up with, wondering why he
asked? He keept bringing this back as we talked, and I
asked him if he has happy? He said yes, and I said thats
all I have to know. The call was suddently broken as we
spoke, I guessed it was done on purpose, and went back to
But I could not sleep, me head was full of joy that he
called, sorrow that it didnt went so well, and all the
right answers I should have told him.

But then he called agen!! A second chance, and I got to
tell him everyting I had thought of in bed.
He was on his way home, had went out of power and would
soon do so agen. He lived in the city. We talked more about
his work, its hard, he travels a lot and work a lot. But he
likes it. I asked if he was going home to her tonight, he
said no. She goes to school. We talked about his clothes, I
said he looked really nice.
He asked me if there was something I wanted to tell him,
before his phone went off agen. I said yes. The first time
he wanted to see me, years ago, and I said no. That had
nothing to do about hi, it was just me. He asked what, and
I said enviroment and stuff. Its years ago, I was younger.
S* asked if I could do it all over agen, what would I do? I
said if I knew then what I know now I would do it diffrent.
We talked more, I asked if she had seen me in the club
(wondering if she knwe about me) he said no. I threw the
qestion back at him, if there was anything he would say
since he seemd so eager that I had something. He said yeas,
he would like to see me and just talk for an hour or so. I
was thrilled!!!
He wanted to know if we could meet up now. This night!!!
Tommy had came into the bathroom once in between, telling
me to hung up since he could not sleep. I feelt bad for
Toomy. Me sitting there talking to a boy in the middle of
the night. I could not go to the city now, that would be
madness!! And S* could not come here! Tommy would never
accept that!!
We dont have one bedroom, we sleep in the livingroom! I
didnt lie when I said he was two rooms appart and still
woke up form me taliking quiet in the phone though.
He wanted us to meet, I wanted to see him as always but
said not tonight, because I had to work early in the
morning, he had that to. And because of Tommy and the
living situvation, I told him I was soory, but there is no
words for how sorry I am for that.
And the concersation was over. It was a much better talk
this time, he seemed happyer, though dissapointed we could
not meet.
He said it might take until easter before he got the tome
agen, he works and travels so much, but I had to take my
I think he`ll contact me before that. I hope he does it
tonigh. I hope I can run and see him when ever we wants me
to next time.

Afther his call I`ve been so happy! I just cant stop
smiling or thinking about the fact that he called me. It
seems to good to be true. I had to check my phone three
times, yes there is a hidden numer who called me in the
middle of the night. Was the secong time only a dream? Its
all just to good to be true.
Things that normaly drives me carzy like an over crowded
buss, getting even more crowded, cant take away my big
smile. Cant remember the last time I was this happy, but I
know I have been.

I have been looking for appartmens really hard lately, -
before he called, But those I like and call to ask if I can
see then is allready taken.
It seems so sad to move from Tommy, but so great to have a
plece for my self. We have been having a really nice time
lately. But its been two years since the last time he could
say he LOVED me.
I feel so quilty towards him, hes been nothing but good to
me lately, and I dont want to hurt him.
Stil, when I afther the call though of what might hapen
when we get together, I feelt quilty towards her. It tok me
three days to remember I had a boyfriend to. I dont know
what he wants to do, but everything is fine by me. I hope
he calls one night I can go and see mim, I hope so hard.
In the quiet night, I was to happy to sleep afther the
call, I just had to Thand Good! I hve been waiting so long
for this. I guess I had gived up and figured I had to
contact him, he would never come to me. And besides he got
her. What ever her name is.

I dont know what will happend. If I ever will get an
appartment, iof he calls- and when if I can go and see him
then. But I got hope, lots of hope for our future.

Thankfull, greatfull, hopefull Angel

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