Miss Thang

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2005-11-19 22:34:11 (UTC)

Its great to be back.......

Well as most of you know if you have read my diary i don't
have a good luck with alot of things in my life mainly
love. I have since separated from my baby's father and he
didn't even come to the ultrasound i had 2 days ago. it
was to test if the baby has downs syndrome but i have to
go back next week cause the baby was too young. Either way
he didn't show up and boy when i got a hold of him at work
didn't i go off my nut at him.

Its not the fact that he didnt show up well it is sortof
its the fact that when i found out i was pregnant he said
he would be there for the baby for all the ultrasounds the
birth everything and so far i have done everything by
myself i gave him the option of not having anything to do
with this baby no hard feelings if thats what he wanted
seeing this wasn't a planned pregnancy. but he chose to
say he wanted something to do with it he still says he
does i told him that its a load of bullshit and that
actions speak louder than words. he has done nothing
except stress me out and left in in the lurch.

i asked him what he wanted to do when i first found out
about bub and he said he would support us and now hes not
its not the fact that i can't do it on my own because i
know i can i raised my ex fiance's 4 kids by myself cause
he was too busy rooting everything in town instead of
being home with his family. Its the fact that he said he
would be there and i counted on that and now that hes not
showing me that he is i'm scared because i built myself up
to have this wonderful life, a family and i'm now finding
out that it might not end up that way.

I suppose the good thing is that i found out now rather
than when the bub is here in the world i can deal with it
now and then that way i will be much better off when i
have the baby more emotionally in control.

well as i said before i went for my ultrasound 2 days ago
it was the most wonderful thing i have ever seen or done
in my life the only that sucked was they tell you to drink
1 litre of water before you go in but you can't go to the
toilet and i was in the waiting room busting to go and the
toilet sign was right in front of me i was so not
impressed!! ha ha then when i went in the sonographer said
that my bladder was too full i thought great here we go
they are going to tell me to let some of it out but not
all of it mission impossible for me!!! even though many of
my friends have had to do it i know i wouldn't have been
able to. but she said i could empty my whole bladder i was
like thank god!!! i could actually enjoy the whole thing
instead of being in pain and worrying about whether i was
going to piss my pants or not!! ha ha.

when she put the picture up on the monitor i just melted i
burst into tears of joy. it was the best thing i have ever
done in my life this ultrasound. to see a living human
being inside you it was just simply amamzing. seeing its
little heart and its little hand giving me a salute it was
just amazing. after the sonographer had finished i just
sat and stared at the picture for ages trying to grasp
that this is finally real and that i'm going to have a
baby. Because i haven't had any morning sickness at all
and even though ive had blood tests to confirm that i am
pregnant i just haven't felt it it hasn't felt real until
she put that picture on the monitor and i could see with
my own eyes that inside me was in fact a little life
I just wished that Dale would have been there and shared
in this wonderful experience too.

Anyways i'm off to get dressed and i'm going to treat
myself to some breakfast out

Be good if not be good at it
Love Teegs

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