Soul Flares
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2005-11-19 00:06:22 (UTC)

Heart Ache

I blame this all on starting my period, it always makes me
more emotional, but everytime I see Carlos . . . or think
about him I hurt inside. All because I had to be stupid and
get a major crush on the guy that I can't get with. Even if
I had a chance it's not like I'd chase him, because I just
can't get into relationships, ever since Ben and Marissa
I've been critical of them, fearful of them.

Only I can't help what my heart feels, no matter how hard I
try. I like him; a lot. I like him too much. It hurt so bad
at homecomming, seeing him with his girlfriend . . . but
he's happy, so shouldn't that make me happy? Only it didn't,
it just made me hurt . . . it made me ache inside like I've
never hurt before, and I told no one. I wanted to cry and
didn't, I just sat back and listened to Amber and Cori
complain about not getting asked to dance.

Just a few minutes ago though, I checked my mail and He had
found me on MySpace, and wanted to add me as his friend, and
that time he told me we were best friends, it just made me
so happy. It makes me want to cry though, being so happy
about that stuff. I mean, we're friends, but that's all
we'll ever be. I know that, because I'm not his type, and
it's hurts to know that, it hurts so bad that I just want to
cry and cry and never stop.

Why does it have to hurt so bad! It's not like I ever really
thought I had a chance, I mean, he's not dating anyone right
now . . . but we're still only just frineds, and I've seen
how he is with girls he likes. I just want him to be happy
. . . no matter how much it hurts me, I want him to be
happy, as long as he is, maybe I can manage. Maybe.

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