everything i'll never understand
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2005-11-10 22:09:22 (UTC)

together we'll ring in the new...

... tomorow's the day... dreading it

i'm a mess already.

so, how'd i feel at the moment?

confused, what can i say really... found out today someone
important has sunk even lower...and it's not like i can
yell or anything, it's not my palce, i know that, but it
upsets me to see someone do that to themself... they're
better than that

...where the fuck did it go wrong?

nicola's been looking after me so well lately, if it
wasn't for her i'd have fucking lost it by now, jacobs
been cuddly too, he's spending most of tomorow for me,
burger king, and some laughs...

i'm really glad to have nicola back to be honest, i really
missed her in the time i was away, and it seems since it
all got sorted she's been even better,

haven't spoken to deb as much as i'd have liked, but
yeah...we've said this already haven't we? *wishes he
could just stop caring like he's been told to* ...i guess
i see it that if someone can't take care of themselves...i
gotta do something, fuck i carried emily for ages, i miss
those LATE nights at hers, just so fucking different to
how i've ever been... but thats gone...i saw her about a
month ago... she's a mess, i didn't say it to sorrel, but
im pretty sure she's shoting up... her teeth had the kinda
damage you get with methadone...

this morning was absolute bliss, my angel came round and
slept in my bed for awhile, then i woke her up how she
likes... it amazes me, i have outlasted every relatonship
i've ever had previously, yes, i fucked up, but i've out
lasted all my critics, and there isn't a day i don't
regret my mistakes...but yeah, even now, nearly 16months
on and we're still playing around like we've only just got
together...and the sex...fucking hell, we take turns
wearing each other out... the spirit is willing, but the
flesh is weak...
...yeah, i'm a monogomist, i think there IS a person for
all of us, and i can never condone promiscuity, it's wrong
and fucks too many people around (no pun)...i've been
there, done that, and it was fucking hell...

see, i know myself, focus on otherthings, and it won't
take you down...

when you are strong, feign weakness,
when you are weak, fake strenght,
fake strength like you have nothing left to lose...

...don't let it consume you,

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