everything i'll never understand
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2005-11-07 21:45:29 (UTC)

this is for all the headless acrobats...faces crushed in the dirt

... this is hell week...

tonight i just fell to pieces once again... and now i
realise that this year, just like last, and the year
before, i can't do this. I'm not strong enough to simply
get by again.

you know, it's ironic, it's when people think i'm at my
best, and IS when i'm at my best that at i'm at
my worst... sometimes i really do feel so good that id
rather die then and there rather than go on only to fuck
it up the enxt day, hour, or 5 minutes...

death is pretty fucking prominent in this weeks themes
though right?

what else do you say? keep smiling? i'll be there? you've
got your friends?... what, what the fuck IS there to say?

i remember one thing someone said that i'll never forget
because it made this situation worse ''you never got over
it''... yeah, because thats so abso-fucking-lutely

i'll just do what i did last year, and before that, i'll
try to smile, get on with it, do as i will in my evenings
this week and do the utmost i can to not break infront of
anyone again this week... it doesn't matter who it is,
where or why, it's weakness and i absolutely despise it,
moreso when it's from me...

here we go again right?

i hate this feeling,
i hate the shit i have to endure to get through it
i hate the people who just won't grow up
i hate a lot of things right now...

but i'm smiling right?

fuck this for a game of soldiers...

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