daydream disbeliever

Mad Ramblings From a Blithering Idiot
2005-11-06 01:24:36 (UTC)

A Real Holiday?

I'm going home for Thanksgiving in a couple of weeks.
It's to be the first real one I've had in years. It's a
nerve-wracking experience to look forward to. There'll be
my mother and sisters, of course, along with Baby Bug and
Andy and his daughters. They have horrid table manners,
though, and they make me anxious because my mother is more
involved in their lives now (especially the younger one).
She's been on more vacations with them in two years than
with me in fifteen. Ah, well. My mother the queen of home
cooking is going all out (at least, that's her mindset
this week) and I don't think I want to miss it. At least
if it sucks I'll have an escape route-A to the rescue, as
always.
However, I had quite a shock this week. She called me
one night and it was confessional time for her. She
admitted to being sad, nervous, and unable to sleep at
night because of this problem involving her boyfriend.
And here I'd always thought she had things so put together
in her life. Much better than me, at least. I discovered
that she's just as good at faking it as I am in her own
way. Her problems just don't mirror mine, is all, and I
never saw it. I feel very guilty about that-my best
friend and I never took the time to really delve into her
worries and help her solve her big life-questions and
conundrums. I suppose we were just a good method of
escape into idiocy with each other...of course we'd talk
about important issues like family, acquaintances, work,
et cetera, but she's never come out like that and almost
cried because of her relationship traumas. It both
disturbed and gladdened me that she opened up.
The one thing she said that made me happiest (the only
word I can come up with, not the most adequate) was that
she decided to tell me because I never judge her or make
her feel inadequate or blame her for being the one to end
things, whether it was Brett and now Jason. I don't know
if she's told him yet (I'll find out when I call her
Sunday, as was arranged) but her mother suspected that she
wanted to break up with him and blew up. Her mother is a
traditional Catholic-married right out of high school, had
a baby, has been faithful to her husband for twenty-five
years or more, regular church-goer...she thinks A needs to
settle down and that J is Mr. Right due to his morals,
financial security, and friendliness. A thought so too a
year ago but now she's not so sure.
These things happen, and her mother, quite frankly, is
not as experienced with the game of love (how could she
be, marrying the only man she's ever slept with so young
and never really dating?) to know just how difficult
everything is? People grow and change, and A has simply
grown in a different direction than J. Perhaps it's
because he's in Boston and has been for two years (he and
A see each other every few months or so) and it's a case
of "Out of sight, out of mind" with her and "Absence makes
the heart grow fonder" with him. I don't know what it is
but she wants to cut the cord now before he does something
crazy like buy an engagement ring. She's very young still
(we're only twenty-three) and has jumped from one longterm
guy to another. She feels she wants to see the world and
all that is has to offer before committing herself to so
much responsibility. I cannot blame her for any of that
and told her so. She's never gotten out of Ptown for more
than a week or two at at time. And love, real love, is
sure of itself. If she's not sure, then J's not the right
one. Personally, I just think he's desperate for a stable
family unit (something he's only had through his good
Catholic girlfriends) unlike the shithole he grew up in.
He's a great person (one of my best friends and a former
roommate,actually) and I thought a year ago that they'd be
perfect for each other, but A must live her own life. No
one has the right to plan her life for her, not even
herself. Plans none too often go awry with disasterous
results. She needs to get out and experience life and
take spontaneous chances. I think she's tired of playing
it so safe (which is why her trip to England shocked me-
she's going next month-I'm so proud and envious of her!)
and ready to really be free (attn future self:sorry for
the cheesiness). I hope she does find love, she deserves
it. I told her that too and she ended up telling me that
she felt so much better for everything I'd said (and not
said) and that she'd probably sleep well for the first
time in weeks. I hope she did. I'll find out tomorrow.

K


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