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2005-10-30 02:11:41 (UTC)


I am very sad. I had a great night... I meet a beutiful
Brazilian boy who spoke little english. We had a lot of
Perspectives of other peoples emotions are often of.
I should know. I love phantom of the opera for tons of
reasons. I went to the halloween party as the phantom. The
song Masquerade makes a lot of sense. Everyone wears a
mask. It was a amzaing how at home I felt sitting in a
mask. I even vanished outside in the dark at times but
usually i just vanished to get a drink. I felt completly
at home and it made me happy.
I have my finger in too many peoples emotions.
I really don't want to hurt Nathan. He has been loyal,
honest and trustworthy to me. I enjoy these quilitys in
I wish I knew specifially what is wrong. Then maybe i
could help... However when ever I try to help someone it
always bites me in the butt.
You can only help those who wan to be helped.
The problem lies in denial.. No one is willing to take it.
Email to Nathan.
Hey Nathan,
I have many ideas what I could have done to hurt you...
However, a wise friend of mine told me this summer that
they used to assume a lot, and the majority of the time is
was wrong. This person told me that you can't live life
that way, it will destroy it. I am very grateful to this
person, he taught me a lot and changed some of my goofy
ways of thinking.
However me being me that doesn't stop me from caring. I
have a hypothesis what could be wrong
Nathan... One of my major goals is to help people, and
make them feel better. I don't like to ever see anyone in
pain. I really care about you, and I want to help. I
especially don't like the fact that I am causing this,
that defeats the purpose of me.
I am sorry.
I appreciate all that you have done for me,
You very caring friend,
Emilee Mason

-The truth will set you free.-

He told me not to worry about it, but that is the
equivalent of telling a fish not to swim or a human not to
breath. It just doesn't work.
If I ever tried a tranquilizer I think I would be
instantly addicted. lol

Eleesa tried to explain to me today a little bit of
Jowanzas perspective and why he was so confussed.
Everything makes a lot more sense and it made it a lot
less painful. She explained that he did what he did bc he
cares... The same as her ending it with her and Mike. She
compared it to a storie I am already deeply familar with,
it made it a lot easier for me to understand.

I am weird, I don't remember events as much as I remember

There have been many valuble lessons learned today.
I had a lot of fun shopping today at the mall. I went with
Breanna to pick out a dress for the ring dance. She found
a nice one... But I have to admit, I am completly
jealous.. I really want to go to a formal dance and have
the pretty dress and the hair done and all of that.
She was very greatful she took me.. This is one of my
major talents. I broght up many key points such as
flowers, handbags, ect.. that she hadn't thought about. :)
I had fun.
I don't think I will get to go to a high school formal.
I was born a romantic.
I had a piano recital today, it was odd. I love playing
steinways but I had no passion for my music whats so ever
and in the middle of my peice somebodys alarm went off and
another man that was loosing his mind started hystarically
screaming bc he didn't know where he was. yeah... My dad
took the time to tell me how bad it was.. it would have
been better but playing on different piano and having
people yell at you well you play.. Not to mention the fact
that I don't like to perform, people intimadate me.
I feel horrible, and I had been so happy all day long to!
Well i guess I have nothing more to say.


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