Nick's Journal
2005-10-23 15:46:09 (UTC)

Bumper Stickers

so juli's car is on the ropes. it's making a clunking noise
which is due to the fucking tire bearings being loose. now
i don't know if you've ever driven in a car with loose tire
bearings but you basically feel like you're riding a 40 year
old hooker who's bones are so fragile they're going to snap
underneath you. now you take that 40 year old hooker on
sayyyyyyyy the highway at about 65 miles an hour and you
bsically think you're dead.
anyhow, there i was driving about 30 miles in a 55 after i
topped 70 on the highway and decided that the car really
wasn't down with that. there i am idling like a 90 year old
lady who can barely see over her hood in the right hand
lane, when i notice a car absolutely riding my ass. i make
a right, then a left and go into the service station with
the car still on my ass, and then parking next to me. now i
assumed this guy was probably going to kill me for some
inexplicable thing i usually do on the road (like cut
someone off or hurl feces at their car). however we both
jogged into the service station (trying to beat each other
to the desk) and finally got the, "you're gonna have to wait
a sec" from (what seemed like) the only employee in a sea of
people. we were standing side by side, when all of a sudden
he says,
"soooo, i see you fancy yourself a tree-hugger?"
whaaaaaaaaaaaat? ooooh, the fucking bumper sticker. see
juli has all of these bumper stickers like "treehugger" and
that equal rights sign on her bumper. i rolled my eyes and
threw my head back in a fit of annoyance.
i rolled my head to him and said,
"let me ask you this son" (i hate it when 30 some year olds
call me son, it makes it seem like they are about to tell me
something that only someone with the wisdom of their years
can know)"do you ever use toilet paper?"
oh wow, i'd NEVER heard that one before. and why does it
always have to be toilet paper? i mean what about tissues?
i'd be more sold on tissues. hell what else will catch my
snot and semen? dish towels get too messy.
"of course i us toilet paper."
then he got this stupid smirk on his face.
"welllll, you DOOOOOO know that comes from trees."
"trees make it?"
"wha? no! it comes FROM trees, as in it is made from trees."
"of tress?"
"i also use paper at work when i print out documents does
that come from trees."
now he was still so reeling from his win a couple of
sentences ago his sarcasm radar was a bit slow.
"well yes, of course, all th-....yes. look all i'm trying
to get across to you is that the logging industry is a vital
component to your life."
"i like the logging industry. i can be pro-environment and
not anti-industry. besides, i care more about the
environment as a whole rather than focusing on one industry
that actually seems to somewhat acknowledge the scarcity of
resources by planting new trees as they cut down others."
to this he just stared at me and then he was called up to
the service stand.
i felt pretty good about myself and mosied up to the desk as
the guy (with a disgusted look) brushed by me and headed out
the door, i turned to the guy at the desk,
"i'm the only one turning wrenches here so you're gonna have
to come back monday."