Completely Incomplete

Letting Go Is All I've Held Onto
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2005-10-22 23:08:13 (UTC)

Cornered.

"If I had tried to kill you, you'd be dead."

Ah, a quote from Ravon's e-mail. I'll post both; Hers and
my reply.

This is ending withen the next week. The hard way, as she
sub sonsciously chose.

The fine line between fact and fiction in my head was
crossed. And now I fear ... for the out come of this
disaster.

Her revenge. My sweet sorrow. She can do what she likes to
me. I'm not afraid of death, nor any punishment she can
throw at me.

Everythign I fear she could never break. Nor take away from
me. So it doesn't matter. Stab me, shoot me, yell at me,
lie to me or abotu me.

Let's watch and see if I give a fuck. ... Hmm nope not
gunna happen.

Ravon's E-mail To Me:

So, the Chris in Brennan's msn name. If it's the chris I'm
thinking of, not your cousin, but the dude I talk to
online, then you've jumped to conclusions. Chris was a guy
I used to talk to online, there is a site called
www.gaiaonline.com it's an anime forum room and shit. Check
it out, I'm not lying. Chris and I met there. No wait,
chris and kade met there -_- okay? Kade gave his file, with
all his money on the account, to chris, when he was told.
Cause people are obsessed with this game, and chris was one
of them. Kade is dead. Will stay dead. I don't want him
back, ever, ever. So you guys have gone and thought I was
Chris too, I know it -_- Well, I'm not. Okay? I have no
intentions of ever doing that again, and listen to me. I
never, tried to kill you. If I had tried, you'd be dead.
Think what you want, do what you want, I don't really care.
Hurt me, mock me. Turn all my friends on me. I don't need
anyone. Not you two, not susan, not amanda. Not anymore.
But I'm begging now, do not call the cops. Do not tell my
mom.. please, I'll give you/do anything for you. You can
physically hurt me if you'd like. Mentally, damage me some
more. Whatever. I don't care anymore. -.- Oh yeah, and the
whole thing when you first talked to me in the courtyard, I
did NOT come back and say it was about you cutting. I did
not say that you said "It's my body I can do what I want"
Probably megan who told you I said that. I cried, got my ID
card photos done, and went home. Said nothing, okay? I
don't say anything. I don't rant. I don't complain. I'm
sucking it up, and trying to move on. Trying.
Ps, Kade has been dead since you told me to kill him. And
he's going to stay dead. The photobucket file, sorry about
that, I forgot it was still under his name. I was sending a
pic of Ville Valo to Amanda, over msn through the site. My
bad. I've deleted, everything. EVERYTHING. No more msn
accounts, but mine, no more pictures, no more music. No
more. Heh. I may be around later, but I have to go out for
now. I'll look for you.
Ravon.

My Response:

Ha, I have to compliment you on your efforts. Look, I'm not
stupid. Sickness? The one you said you had? Compulsive
lying is a sickness as well, and maybe this is one you
could pull off. Fucker. If you had tried to kill me, I'd be
dead? Well guess what hoser, I am dead. Dead to strangers,
even dead to some of the people I once cared about. And
it's your fault. Feel guilty yet? Of course not. You don't
feel guilt, and you never did. And you probably never will.
Soemoen would feel guilt. Kade had me cut with him ... For
about a week. We cut together. How come tehre are no scars
on your wrists? You basically told me to go slit my wirsts.
I take things like this to heart, and this is a wound
that's never going to heal.
Sure, wounds heal. And I'm forced to bare these scars that
you created. You etched them on my skin ... And now they're
here for eternity. Until the day I die, which will come lot
slower now that you've been shoved out of my picture.
But now, to get at the task at hand. Mais oui? You did not
have split persopnalities. You lied about it. You tried to
drop all responsibility. Then, you lied to my face. And now
you proceed to lie.
You are a compulsive liar. Kade had no birth records, he
was you all along, douche-mucnher.
And how come you assumed that's the Chris he was talkign
about? Don't assume, it leads us to better judgment.
I know for a fact that you were ... "Chris" We can check IP
adresses. If you have no blubbering clue what the fuck that
is, it's the adress that the net connection is comming
from. Hmm ... You Kade and Chris all have the same one.
Okay, look. You said in your e-mail "Hurt you again." I
want to make somethign very fucking clear to you. You hurt?
Because you got caught. Because you tried to kill me. You
caused us all grief, and you GOT CAUGHT. That's why you
hurt.
You tried to kill me. You made me develope a clinical
depression. You made me almost flunk out of the eigth
grade, and now the ninth. That's why I hurt.
Now, we all want to move on. And frankly, we all had. I
thought it was over. Then I heard from a dear freind, that
she talked to Kade recently.
This is ending, in either way. You stop. You get help. You
fuck off, and leave everyone the fuck alone, and just
realize ... That just because your life isnt fucked up, and
everyone else's seems to be ... That doesn't mean you can
toy with us for attention. Just because you lead a perfect
life compared to ours, doesn't mean you can take it out on
us.
So fuck off. This ends here. I was goign to let you end
it ... I was going to let you take the responsibility of
ending it. But now, it seems I can't trust you with that
responsibility.
So I'm ending it myself. Your parents, your family, and the
authorities are going to know. All of them. This ends now.
It's over, bitch.
P.S. ... "Good bye Kade." Those were some of Kevin's last
words. Just thought you should know. YOU FUCKING...
P.P.S. Take these words as not a threat, but as a promise.
By the end of next week, your parents and the authorities
will end this for us.

Sincerely,
Amber.


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