Mia, the complainer
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2005-10-21 04:02:49 (UTC)

omg she's back again

hey hey hey!

yeah, so JP and I are officially a couple...aww..he's so
cute! Homecomming was AWESOME! (okay, so it was kinda like
a thousand-person orgy, but still fun)I got "all dolled up"
on sat & i ran into sally and megan when i got my nails
done, so that was cool!

ummm JP picked me up...(AIIIEEEE) haha and we took
pics...as expected and then we headed to dinna..OUTBACK
JP, Me, Charles, Megan, Sally, Nicole, Colleen, Grant,
Alex, and Joey tons of FUN!
then we headed to the dance where we met up w/ eveyone else
and danced our @SSE$ off!

More serious note:
went to see Dr. Wall (ed doc) today. Told her I was only
seeing her to pacify my family. I was trying to be so nice
b/c i didn't wannna seem like i was just sitting around
wasting her time, but i kinda feel like i am. The only
reason I would go to see a doctor would be to "Get
better..." and getting better from ana is not what i am
ready for. I need to be thin. I am just so tired of other
people telling what to eat-telling me what's good for me. I
DONT WANT THEIR OPINION. I just want to lead my life my way-
if that means I have a problem then its MY problem.
I dont want to hurt people, but i can't live like this
anymore. I can't be fat... I see pictures from the begin.
of the summer and I miss that me...the 96 lb me... I was on
the right track and loosing...it was beautiful. And NOW.
Now I've just eaten my way back into the doulbe digits-
eating just to please people adn I can't do it anymore, I
just cant. I need Ana.

I think Dr. Wall wants me to stay with her, though. She's
afraid I'm going to get hurt. I thought she was going to
cry today; she keeps telling me I'm not fat. :( But I know
I am. I can feel the change in my body, and I remember
where I was, where I worked so hard to be. And here I am at
this moment with all of that beautifull work RUINED.

1300 cals yesterday
1200 cals today
1110 tomorrow
1000 the next
i will be THIN
just 10 lbs to go...

wish me luck