blkdragon

grounded
2005-10-19 22:48:25 (UTC)

Indinlo/My Son

10/19/05 Charles rang my bell just after midnight, last
night, I was not happy. I asked him why he was here, his
answer was trite, told him I had to work in the morning;
that I had been on my way to bed and none of that mattered
to him. I opened the door and let him in, I’d wanted to see
him also, just not at this time of night. We got upstairs
and I had so much to ask and say, all of that needed to be
done in less than an hour, I began by asking where he was
living; he told me with his Mother. You can always go home.
Told Charles what I’d heard, what I knew about him, asked
if he was high; he lied and said no. With each point I’d
make, each question I’d ask, I’d take a step closer to my
Son; it appeared menacing and that may have been the
desired effect. Sometimes I believe I need to do that to be
heard by Charles, I told him that he’s got people looking
for him, told him that he’s putting the people he’s
supposed to love in harm’s way. I couldn’t stress enough
that should anyone go to his Mother’s house looking for
him, they and he would have more of a problem than they
could handle, I told him that his dirt better not include
his Mother.
I talked to him about time, work and school, the prophesy
(me burying him) and how it has affected our relationship.
I told him that my fear of him dying becomes anger at him
for not trying harder to do more than survive. I told him
that if he ever came into my presence high again, I’d hurt
him immediately, there’s that anger again. How well can you
defend yourself, if you’re fukked up? He will live if I
have to kill him! I asked him if he were afraid, he said
sometimes he is, I think that was my Son’s most honest
moment with me and I was moved beyond words. I told him
that I love him very much, several times (during our time
together) his eyes welled with tears, I am very passionate
and he felt me! I couldn’t stress how much or what he means
to me, he was trying to remain cool, it wasn’t working and
I could see that he needed to be touched by me, I reached
out and pulled him to me; I hugged him hard. Charles was
happy I’d grabbed him, he wanted me to know how he felt, he
didn’t want to let go of me; I hugged him to me tighter. I
looked into his eyes, then kissed him, never letting him
go; then I told him that I needed to go to bed. I walked
him to the door, never breaking the contact we’d
established, holding on to him; I told him to go straight
home and I’d see him soon. I went to bed with him on my
mind, praying that my Father should watch over my Son, keep
him safe.
Only hit the snooze twice this morning, made breakfast, a
5egg omelette w/sausage-tomato-cheese and bean sprouts;
hadn’t planned on sharing it though. I made it to work, one
minute after the cut-off time, I’d make it up by the end of
the day; I made rounds to greet those I care for. I saw
Lisa, she’d come in at 4:30 and she looked tired, I gave
her half the omelette because I knew she hadn’t eaten
anything; she thought I’d have a problem with her moving
the tomatoes out of the way. She either didn’t like
tomatoes or they were a health risk, I told her to do
whatever she wanted, as long as she ate something. She
enjoyed the food and that’s all I can ever hope for.
Rob returned to work today, we didn’t discuss the weekend
he had in Boston with his new Lady; I wanted him to know
what Lavon and I discussed about his doing something
special for her. I told Rob he was going to give his Woman
a Personal Chef. I’d been working on this idea for years,
now is the perfect opportunity to dive into the pool. The
name of the venture is Indinlo-Intimate Dinners for Lovers
and I plan to make this an event that she will never
forget. We’ll begin the menu preparations soon, he’ll need
to pay enough attention to her to know what she likes,
meat/veg/starches/desserts; I’ll be doing everything from A
to Z. I plan to print the menu on parchment, present it as
a keepsake, each menu will be designed for that particular
individual and will never be offered to another; I will
photograph the presentation and add it to the keepsake.
Each item will be crafted to the individual’s specific
tastes and I’ll try creating specialty desserts that will
be named for the honoree. There are a wealth of spices,
fruits, meal items that I have yet to discover; this means
time in the testing kitchen.
Last night’s skate, saw a night full of baby-boomers,
people my age and slightly older; why did they look and act
so much older? They looked at me rolling and had to know
that we’re of the same age, they exist in the dusk and I’m
just ebbing past noon. I felt so good coming home,
thrumming at my core, high on my exertion; it carried over
through the entirety of my day. Kenny didn’t know what to
make of me, neither did Ralph, even when he snuck on me and
pinched behind my knee; I barely turned my head in
acknowledgment. Where normally I’d be startled, I wasn’t
surprised in the least, my spirit sensed no threat
whatsoever. I was water today, my spirit encompassed all, I
was the world and of it. I wrote a piece during lunch,
planned to read and listen to music, this piece was rather
insistent.
Pretty was pleasantly shocked at my invitation, I wonder if
she recalls the dream she had about me, it’s in here
somewhere. Waiting for you to call.




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