Completely Incomplete

Letting Go Is All I've Held Onto
2005-10-16 13:16:23 (UTC)

It's the begining of the end!

Just water tension! I was only bloating from PMS, thank
GOD. I looked like a wail. I'm normalish again.

Last night we went to a family party for Sherly's 50th
birthday. Justin and I were out of control rambunctious.

We were the weirdest kids there, by far. I decided to have
fun and hit on every girl or old lady there.

I had fun last night, at the party and when I got home. Nik
still seems to be in the lovey dovey yay mood. I'm enjoying
it while it lasts. Moi ha.

I was real sick. I threw up and had a head cold and fever
and such. I stayed home on uhh .... friday ... yeah for it.

I'm feeling alot better, I just have a cough and stuffy
nose.

I took Nyquil, or as we have conviniently renamed "Halluci-
juice."

Ungodly. The taste is inhuman. I was stoned for two days
after taking it, and my freinds were telling me about
hallucinations they've buzzed off that stuff.

Anyhow ... Not really much to write about "Kade" events.

Hmmm...

Well, on thursday night she was suposed to come online to
talk to me, after she neglected to find me at school.

She didn't show. I just want this to be over. No more Kade,
no more lies.

But if I catch word of any "Kade" or any more lies, I'm
calling her mother or the police. She's probably reading
this. Good.

I'm sick of this, and want it over more then the next
person. But it'll never be over, not completely. But thank
you I'd like to lead a LIFE now.

Yeah you know that little thing ... it's called living.
Well, I haven't done it in a while, and I'd like to get
back to it. No more emotional scars. No more heart break.

I cried at that interveiw with my therapist or whatever.
Truth being, I had let all the nightmares and mishaps lay
dormid in my memory. And when she prodded them all awake
again I couldn't take it.

I hadn't forgotten about them, but I was getting better
with living my life with the pain. The pain won't go away,
but as days pass I can learn to cope.

Sure, I miss Kevin. But I still talk to him. Sure, it still
bothers me about being "touched"...It bothers me alot. But
it's not often I have those recurring flash backs.

I had one last night, but then I pushed it out of my mind.
Replaced it with Nik. He's happy now, and that's all that
really matters.

I can cope with the pain now, I can live with it. I'll be
fine. If it does ever bother me again, I'll sit down
infront of the TV in my jimjams and watch Bugs Bunny And
Tweety until I feel better.

But see? I'm getting better. To the point where I can live
my life like I've always wanted to.

SO I want this to all be over. No more scars. Haha NO MORE.
I'm ending this, if she likes it or not.

Either it ends the easy way, and she shuts her fat fucking
mouth. She stops telling lies, and leaves everyone alone
with no more mention of "Kade".

Or we can do this the hard way. I call her parents, and the
authorities.

Either way, it;s ending. It's over. Nice to know yuh Ravon,
have fun being emotionally crushed like i still am :).




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