and all of what he did is runung thru my head,
i can't get it out.
he hurt me,
and i want to take away the pain.
looking at my self in the reflection of the cold dark
i mumble to my self "you look like hell"
and i reply to my self "i am in hell."
looking down at my arms, so many scars from false reasons
and looking at my skin so soft, like his soft touch i will
the blue vains under the skin seem to tempt me,
and the craveing is comeing back again,
i try to convince myself not to do it,
thay all told me i will never get better this way.
but the temptation is so strong, seeing every heart beat
under the skin,
like it would all go away if the beat stoped,
but the sick feeling in me,
from worrie and hunger is makeing me dizzy,
i haven't eaten in days,
and i want to taste of it,
just something to keep me going,
someting to take away the pain for a bit.
and befor i can stop my self i open my eyes to see my
on my wrist,
and blood runing down my arm,
oh better then all i know,
all i felt was gone,
the pain is gone from my mind,
all i can feel is the extcy and the pleasure of it all,
my head is swimming in my bodie,
and i feel like i am riseing above all the pain.
i can see him thir now,
he is in my mind,
just standing thir not knowing any thing.
and thir is an ax in my hand.
i look up and stare right in to his eyes and i make a
i stay quite and i can see his sweat rolling down his
i mouth the words in a dull wisper "Run."
he is scared now.
he desrves it.
running all around , with no where to hide,
i scream to him "how dose it feel now?"
i am running after him, the ax seems so light in my hands,
like it is an extention of my bodie.
but i am so happy, to see him run, to see the fear in his
now he knows i am truely evil , nothing can save him now.
"what you did to me was to rip my heart out, and now its
he finnly cant run any more, he is crawing on the ground.
so pathic, so vial, so scared.
he looks up at me from the ground and his eyes are large
with the fear.
i smile, and beand down to kiss him.
he looks at me with more relife, "you loved me, but you
hurt me. i can't take that,
nor can i let that happen,it's your turn to feel heart
his face shows pure terror, he knows what is comeing,
i swing the ax high abouve my head and he starts to
"i loved you" and with one swift moition the ax smooch the
bunnys thur the air with laser like
right at his chest.
the ax comes down hard on him, and the blood spirt out of
his chest, and it splatters
on my face, its so warm, like it is burning my skin, i
down at him and he is
trying to scream, nothing comes,his blood is every where,
its too my feet now, i step
back and it seems to fallow,
like i can not escape from it,
the blood pools around me, its suronding me.
and where his blood is on my face it is burning and the
burning is spreading,
its up and down my arms now, it all around me, thir is
blood all over me,
its englofing me, surrounding me, i can barly breath now,
the pain is so great,
the burning is all over,its going in to my mouth now, and
it taste so good, but it is like
fire on my toung, it is going in to me now, i can't stop
but i also don't
the sudden flash of light fills my eyes and stings.
its blinding me,it is so bright.
i open my eyes to see me, i no longer have my wrist to my
mouth, it is at my side
i try to lift it but i can't, it is like thir are weights
attached to them,
my skin is so cold, i move my finger tips along my palm
feel the blood on them and the corase
feeling of the skin,
my skin is blue and i am cold.
i move my toung around and i can still taste the blood,
it is still on my lips.
i finnal move my arms and push my self off of the cold
what had happened to me, the lights outside were all gone
now, and the house lay silent
the cold concreat floor sends chills up and down my bodie.
i move my wrist on to my lap and look at it, teeth marks
i stare at it for so long as if,if i do that the wound its
self would tell me the sercet.
of what happened to me, but i knew. i already knew.
it had happened befor and it would not be the last time,
the signs are all the same,
the dizzy feeling ,
the blood in my mouth.
the pericing pain in my stomch,
and the most info i needed really, the bite mark.
it is mine of that i was sure,
i am so cold now.every part of my bodie achs with pain,
i walk back to my desk with all the strength i have left,
drag my self on to the chair,
i am so weak now, i look at the dark screen once more as i
have done so many times befor.
"and you thought you looked like hell befor"
the refection seems to want to mock me,
i move the chair away from the screen and push my self
along till i get to the end of the desk,
mabe its still not to late, i need to get help , i can
the coldness spreading thur
the inside of my bodie now, it wonlt be too much longer
i need to call, i move the headset off the reciver, with
one swift jerking movement of
my hand, i press the buttons hard and thay seem to move as
i do, it is getting hard to see
now, every thing is going blurry,i think to my slef it is
still not too late you know
its not, as long as the shakeing dosent start,
finnaly i press the 3rd button down and i hear a cold
on the line.
"911 what is your emergency?" its a woman , i feel such
i try to talk and nothing comes out,"hellow? hellow is any
i want to tell her and i cant ,
i finny scream out help, she hears me this time" what is
you problem miss?"
"where are you?" i can tell her nothing all thoug i try
with every thing i have to tell her
nothing comes out, "hold on an ambulence is on its way",
finally , sweet releif at last,
she tells me to say on the phone and i keep the cold hand
set to my ear,i can't sit strait any more,
i have to lie down, i turn the chair around and i force
myself forward, and fall to the floor,
it feels so cold and i feel no pain as i hit the floor,
i roll on to my back and feel the coldness come back, thir
comeing, i keep saying in my head.
thay will be here soon. the woman is saying something
again , but it all blurs together,
it is all the same now.the colors are rolling over my eyes
and the pain is sub sideing, thir is suddenly
a bright light againg, i can't tell what it is, am i
dreaming or is this light real, and i dieing or is the
light from outside the door,
it is too hard to tell , i close my eyes and fall deep
insside my self.and i feel a whole bodie
thay are comeing i will be just fine.
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