jen

Too Much to Say
2005-10-12 18:59:58 (UTC)

thoughts

i wish i could lose weight...without trying too hard. i
want to eat healthy, but there are some things i just can't
give up. i want to WANT to work out again, but i can't
seem to find the motivation.

i wish i was skinny enough, and had pretty enough skin to
go on america's next top model.

i love my psycology class! our teacher is awesome. i
can't remember the last time i actually WANTED to attend a
class.

i wish i had more money, so that i could by things that
make me feel pretty.

i'm sick of disloyalty and unfaithfullness.

the perfect church doesn't exist. i wish everyone would
stop looking for it.

i feel like, for all my (small) efforts, God is still far
away. i don't know how to get his attention anymore
without screaming at him...and yet that hasn't worked
either.

i feel so safe and in the middle right now. which
in "christian lingo" probably equals "look-warm." i don't
want to be there. i want a purpose, something to work for,
to fight for. i want to be in the spiritual battle again.
i just can't seem to figure out a way to get my foot in the
door. perhaps God, i need a good shove.

i wish i could not hate joe knight.

i miss music theatre. i miss performing. a lot.

i want to start a (free) dance class at the church for
women. just some fun exercise for girls and women who want
to get in shape and have some accountablity. but i know
myself...i'm all talk and no action.

i wish i could do things instead of just talking about
them.

i'm hungry...again.


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