it may have been catch.com's response to psychological
medication. it may have been my bizarre shifts in chakra. it
may have been the start of sophomore year. but i've finally
decided to take the first step in getting help.
monday morning, i called uci's counseling office to file an
appointment. it's free, staffed by certified psychologists,
all that. im going to talk about the root of all my
problems, my guilt disorder. ask them if they've heard
anything like it, any cures, and if they recommend pills,
well, im most likely going to take them. i figure that it
has to be physical, since all the logic and mental power
can't stop it. it's instinct, a reflex.
but ill see what counseling does. its the first time ive
ever reached out for outside help. its a very revolutionary
time in my life.
not only that, but im feeling things only normal people
feel... a taste of loneliness, a craving for company...
these concepts are coming closer and closer to me. i don't
know why. maybe its because i believe that recovery is
possible, so im not refusing my natural cravings. the fear
but only time will tell.