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Another diary ...
2005-10-05 12:50:28 (UTC)

Horny ana sinful

back .. ok so i had good intentions before i went to
college .. will that count for the rest of the day??
i'm still ok .. a bit dreamy and not as hyped as yesterday
though .. i prayed in the morning but now i just can't!
i'm doing nothing but i'm just wasting time wearing the
praying costume not wanting to pray .. i guess my biggest
excuse is that it's just too contradictive with my
lifestyle and seemingly anti-religous attitude .. it just
doesn't feel right .. feels meaningless .. but i do wanna
make it up for god ..

i collected some good money today for traffic police (i
wish i knew what they're really called in english) .. i
think this'll be the only good thing i'm really doing this
ramadan , for god .. i hope it works ..
one other sinful thing is that i'm really horny today ..
no idea why .. and ur not supposed to masturbate when u
fast but i really think i will .. i'm so fucking horny ..i
feel like , sexy .. and when i read that horoscope thing i
do feel like i'll be graceful too in bed hehe

i feel guilty .. even though it's so not what i am to feel
guilty that i've given an impression of being good and
then secretly wnet bad .. i mean i liked when mom caught
me praying even tho i was tryina hide it that i
started .. i liked the impression it gave .. i thought it
would make things easier for me , disappoint her in her
anticipatuing i've become an atheist and won't even fast
this year .. and people are all being good and i'm being
an asshole .. it's crap
didn't get the desert for mom after all and i really wanna
figure out someway to loosen her up so it wouldn't have to
be a big worry everytime i wanna go out .. hmmmm

arrghh .. anyway , i thought i'd write what i really
should write but i dun feel like it ....




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