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Another diary ...
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2005-10-05 09:16:33 (UTC)

I'm alright.

ok wide awake now .. i dunno what it is about this diary ,
before i open it i know i have plenty of important stuff
to write but once i'm here i can never remember what
exactly the stuff was ..

Now that we're in Ramadan and i'd decided to take it as an
excuse to pray and all i am kinda bothered that my lack of
discipline proved still alive and kicking manifesting
itself yesterday in my not praying the last prayer making
hundreds of excuses for myself and my eating at night when
i had secret intentions of keeping it on an iftar - sohoor
basis .. i didn wake up to have sohoor but the thing is
sohoor should be something light like yogurt and loads of
water , my night binge was everything i'd fancy when i'm
hungry when i wasn't really .. and as i said my ass is
gettuing real big now and my stomach is threatening to be
totally unhideable soon , if not now already .. i dunno
how exactly i could shove some discipline into me .. i
mean i'm real late on buying my school instruments and i
still dun wanna do the efoort of getting the list from
people and getting mom to buy it! and boy , is that one
huge expensive list .. i'm worried .. she's sick of me not
shopping for clothes , now that i could i know i
shouldn't .. she probably won't have any money after
getting me my college requirements .. that's if she
manages to get the whole list to begin with ..

She's still the worst house company ever .. it's
suffocating and i'm adapting by spending most of the time
as away from her as possible .. i was thinking of buying
her that desert she wanned as a nice gesture kind of
a 'cease fire' attempt while i'm feeling better .. i think
i will ..i'm real worried she's planning anything for
me ..

Rasha called yesterday .. sounded fine and unlikely
bearable for a change! told me i was probably the one
triggering all the shit to happen being obviously hating
and provokative with mom n all .. guess she had a point ..
she doesn't know anything but still she has a point .. she
told me about her friend who lives in an appartment alone
and that if i finally decide to do it i could share with
her .. that was nice .. needed that hope .. it showed me i
had someone to run to and that there are egyptian girls
who live alone unlike what everyone else is assuming
impossible .. then she made me promise i wouldn wait for
the next stupid fight to come and take it as an excuse to
just leave ,now that i have the opportunity , like a
stupid naive teenager ..and knowing me , i would do
that .. i wouldn't consider myself naive but i would do
it .. when did she become so wise?

I'm running late .. tell u the rest later .. (i hope)


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