lukeryu

Mental Screamings
2005-10-04 13:49:02 (UTC)

Period

I got home from the Physics Majors room last night at
midnight, sat down at my computer, popped up Fark and AIM,
and within ten seconds had a message pop up from EC saying
"Wanna come over?" Having learned nothing from the previous
times doing this, I thought I'd be back at a reasonable hour
(yes, even when leaving at midnight) and agreed. I went
over there. She evidently wanted someone to talk with about
her most recent problems and her problems were contacting
her over IM so I guess she wanted someone there in person to
help her. I still havent figured out if I have become the
prefered problem listener or if I was just the most
available from among her circle of friends. Frankly, it
scares me to be the person someone comes to with problems.
Its not that I dont want them to trust me with the
responsibility or that I dont want to be supportive, but I
just dont think I'm very good at it. I sit there and listen
and give little "u-huh" quips every so often but rarely do I
give any advice back of any importance. It sort of
disappoints me because I'd like to be helpful and
constructive, but I feel as if I end up coming off bored and
uninterested.

Anyway, she is talking and gets up to throw something away
or get a glass of water or something, and I'm sitting there
listening, and somehow she changes the subject ever so
slightly and starts looking me straight in the eyes and
talking about how she is not ready to go into dating mode at
the moment. And it was about halfway through the second
sentence about dating mode where it clicked. It confused
the hell out of me, but it clicked. She and I had talked
enough and she had expressed her enough of her reservations
of starting dating where it wasnt really a huge suprise. It
just sort of seemed to come completely out of nowhere in the
conversation. I told her that if that was how she felt then
it was ok. Inside, there really wasnt any emotional change.
Maybe a little bit of disappointment, but more of a feeling
of "Ok.....now what?" She made sure I understood what she
was getting at (yea......although I hate to admit it,
understanding subtlety is not my strong suit...) and that I
was ok with it, and then she went back to the problem at
hand. She got it somewhat figured out, my only help being
as a cheering section, and then I somehow ended up spending
like another 45 minutes there talking to her and such, at
which point I needed to go to bed because I have early
morning classes and so I need some minimal amount of sleep
to function, so I went home and went to sleep.

G'day




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