Bert

home
2005-10-04 04:44:10 (UTC)

found

Because of boredom, I opened up my old dysfunctional
laptop and started looking around.

Old stories poems memories, I can't believe I've been
myself without all this.

I feel like I've become an empty shell, a sack that shits
for real this time, empty without these thoughts and
words. I can't believe I've left so much of me behind. I
feel so inspired by all these old stories and poems. I
want to write again. Maybe it hasn't left me yet. maybe
I'm not too old.

It's amazing all the talent that comes out of being a
teenager. I've always said that through college and beyond
I've just gotten dumber. Now I know that it's the truth. I
was never more alive, more in tune with myself, more
original and creative than I was in my teens. I feel so
stupid now. That I've wasted all this time, watching TV,
buying things. I just feel so stupid. I would give
anything to be 15 again, instead of 23. I was so unhappy
then, but at least I knew it. At least I had emotions. I
don't even know what I am anymore. What I like. My
personality was washed through college, given possibility,
and ended up bleached out. Now here I am, scanning job
sites all day, watching VH1 and celebrity shows. Bland.
I'm going to be different from now on. I'm going to stop
wasting time.

"The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you
Don't go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don't go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don't go back to sleep."




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