read me

Another diary ...
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2005-10-04 00:12:21 (UTC)

Thank you

whoa .. i was plannina flood this entry with "Thankyou
God"s untill mom came in before i could even stop singing
and start opening the site .. for the first time in a long
time i had fun .. people were great and i just felt alive
like there was no tomorrow . like there hadn been any
issues or shit in my life .. and i did not wanna go back
home and on the way i just kept thanking god for finally
making it better .. thinking maybe he'll change it at home
as well .. let's say it was a good 4 hours in the day ..
i felt happy for 4 hrs .. so thanks for that , God ..

Today started nasty as expected .. i watched two movies
that i guess had some negative effect on me .. first was
the ring and that always spooks the shit outta me i
couldn't walk in the house i had to turn all the lights on
to be able to move .. second which i'm just done watching
was 'the butterfly effect' .. and even though i dun think
i got the movie i think it had a major effect on me .. i
like ashton kutcher a lot more now ..

Mom is still putting the silent treatment , upset i'm-
gonna-have-a-talk-with-u-soon annoying attitude .. she
seems depressed now though .. totally able to change my
good mood in a jiffy .. something worried me about her
when she was heading to bed .. she moved so slow like
someone really frustrated with their life .. even though i
keep hoping she dies lately .. i have to say i really hope
she doesn't die today .. not now .. not like this .. she
just can't end up being the victim .. unexplained ..

god i'm still so twisted .. ramadan's tomorrow and i dunno
how the hell i'm gonna fast .. let alone do the 'godly'
things i once thought i would .. god i need help ..

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