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2005-10-03 03:14:55 (UTC)

My life seems to be falling to pieces right now...

For the past month my life has been a roller coaster. It
started out by reconnecting with Brandon, a friend that I
met last February, and he asked me out which was not
unexpected. However, I came to find out that he was sorta
seeing 2 other girls at work and regretted asking me out.
So fine, we ended things because I felt betrayed... and
frankly, he's just not that cute to be playing 3 girls.

Several weeks later, Brandon apologized and told me that
he eventually wants to date me, to be a real boyfriend to
me, and to treat me like no other man has treated me in my
life. However, this just wasn't a good time to start a
relationship for either of us because he works 40 hours a
week and is a full-time student, and i am a full-time
student and work 3 jobs here.

So we agreed to care for eachother and have fun hanging
out, but that we could hang out with other people if we
want..... Then all of a sudden shit hit the fan, he
flipped out, started calling me a psycho bitch in his away
message and then asked a mutual friend of ours if I got
the message when I went to his house and he wouldn't speak
to me. Yeah, obviously, I got the message, but I was
confused as to WHY he was treating me this way. I still
don't know what happened, nor do I care... it just hurts
though seeing how someone can go from caring about someone
else to completely hating the person in a matter of days.

I'm also doing really bad in school right now. It's just
hard because I try to do all of my homework and stay up
with the readings, and still try to have a social life and
I work... so things are very complicated right now and I
haven't figured out a balance yet... but I'm sure I'm
getting at least 1 deficiency in 2 weeks (which is gonna
be really bad because I'll be home for break)... so
basically, my life is shit right now and it doesn't seem
to be getting any better in the near future.

This weekend was also a bust with Josh and Stuart. I went
home for alumni weekend and had sorta made plans to see
Joshuaaaaa because it was his 22nd birthday on Friday. He
said that he might come home, and that if he did we should
hang out. I also made plans with Stuart because I hadn't
seen him in a few months. On Friday I decided to go to
the movies with my parents because I hadn't heard from
Stuart... then I realized that I'd had my phone on vibrate
in my purse in the back of the house... THAT'S why I
hadn't heard from Stuart... because my phone was so far
away. I looked at the screen and it said that I had a
voicemail from Stuart, but by then I was walking out of
the house to go to the movies and wasn't going to be able
to see him that night. I suggested we do lunch the next
day, but he never called and I can only assume that he's
mad at me because he won't return my IMs.

The only good thing that happened this weekend was that I
got to spend time with my little dog. He's the cutest
thing EVER and makes me happy even when I'm in the deepest
depression. I also got to see Mike Mike (my boss, but
more importantly he's a very good friend). I wish I could
have stayed longer this weekend and gone to Sunday Funday
because I would have been able to see more of my friends,
but unfortunately I had to come back to school and attempt
to get back to work (yeah, work, I'm sitting here writing
a diary entry and watching Viva La Bam lol)

I also dyed my hair tonight, so I'm back to being blonde
again. AND Skinny Steve called me from Alabama... so that
made my weekend too...

But now I have to get back to studying for my Income Tax
exam tomorrow and contemplating things here...

Much love~